I dont even know why i still bother, i clearly know that you chat me up or hang out with me only when you are bored. You said i enjoy keeping malice. Well, i dont! I just do not understand you. I know for sure that im expecting too much and most definately, i am on this bus alone.
You know perfectly the reason for my first and second beefs with you, but not my third. i had to become distant, i tried to “guard” my heart. Then, i had admitted to having feelings for you and discussed it with my bestfriend. She told me you liked her. I was pained and mostly confused! How? But i had to keep my distance so yeah that was my reason. Somehow, you didnt make it easy for me, somehow, you kept coming back into my life. One minute, we are casual friends and the next it becomes quite intimate.
Last year December was one of the best memories of my life. I had such a lovely time with you. In January when the semester began, you grew distant again. Last summer was even better. I cant even begin to explain how happy i felt when i was with you last week as well. But its a new week with new goals and im obviously not on that list.
Truth is, i may act like i dont care how you behave and if we talk or not, but i do. I really do! I wish i had not caught feelings, i wish i thought of you as just a friend, i wish it was easy for me to throw away this bundle of feelings and i wish you stop leading me on.
But its you, and they are just wishes. Somehow i still wish you get to read this. It is really difficult to say.