• I am doing my face with magic marker

    by  • December 18, 2017 • * Safe for Work *, Confession • 0 Comments

    Dear J,

    (I’ve wanted to send this to you for a while, but I’ve decided if you’re meant to read it you’ll find it here)

    So, I know this is really bad timing and that actually right now I probably shouldn’t say this as you have a lot on your plate (and don’t need anymore shit to deal with) but I feel like I’m lying to you if I don’t say anything, and friends don’t lie.

    I knew back in London we would be good friends and turns out I was right. You’re my best friend here and I hope that when we return to England that won’t change. I’m so lucky to have met you and have you in my life and even more lucky to have you in Intag with me to get me through it all. You’ve been such a great support, listening to all my problems and deepest thoughts. I also feel very privileged that you trust in me enough to share yours too and I hope that never changes. I am always here for you.

    You’ve put up with all my negative shit and annoying habits, and I’m sorry that you have had to do that. I’m also so glad that you call me out on all of that shit I do (although I pretend to be annoyed when you do) because I know you’re doing it because you care and because it is something I need to work on.

    Despite all the amazing things I have experienced here, one of the greatest things I will take away from here are the friendships and especially ours (my new-found love for university challenge and copa90).
    I also promise that I’m now an arsenal fan for life.

    But because I value our friendship I don’t feel like I can keep this to myself and still be a true friend, so here it goes…

    Recently I’ve started to realise that my feelings towards you maybe go beyond just friends and that I might have deeper more romantic ones. These feelings are very fresh to me, they’ve kinda hit me in the face! I know that you have a girlfriend and that I shouldn’t be saying this. I also know this is the last thing you need right now and for that, I’m sorry. I think that’s why I’ve perhaps suppressed these feelings for a while, because I knew it wasn’t right.

    I just guess like all the other girls I’ve fallen for your amazing heart. I know that we are just friends and I am not writing this because I expect anything from you, I’m writing this for me because its helping me to sort out my head and feelings and help me to move on from this.

    Any advice I’ve given you has been as a friend, and I don’t want you to think I’ve twisted any of it for my own gain. I want what’s best for you, I’d never be that pathetic or manipulative. I meant it when I said I hope you work things out with your girlfriend especially if she is the one for you. You should fight for your relationship (just please for the love of god, stop doing stupid things!)

    Despite all the dickish things you’ve done recently you are a wonderful guy, nobody is perfect and I know that you’ll do your best to fix it and protect everyone best you can. Your permeant optimism and well-balanced outlook on life are a constant inspiration to me and many others (and another reason you have so many girls falling at your feet).

    I know we are just friends and I’m very content with that. Please don’t feel guilty about this, your personality is just so friendly and supportive of all your mates and I don’t perceive it as flirting or misleading at all. You haven’t done anything wrong. You’re a great guy and you deserve great things, don’t fuck it up.

    So, that’s my looong ass rant over. I hope this doesn’t change anything between us and that you still feel like you can talk to me. I don’t want to have screwed up our friendship in anyway. Please don’t worry about my feelings or feel sorry for me, the last thing I need is to feel more pathetic. If I’m being honest, I’m quite happy for us to pretend I never wrote this and just go on as usual as though nothing has happened!

    Thanks for being a great mate xxx

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