• Drowning (Self Indulgent and Selfish)

    by  • December 18, 2017 • * Safe for Work *, Frustration • 0 Comments

    This will be a rant, a bratty complaint, a ‘first world problem’, if you will. There are so many other bigger issues out there and I should be grateful for not having any of such issues but… I need to get this off my chest.

    I’m fresh from ‘graduating’ from being a teen. Entering the decade where it’s meant to be about me, being responsible enough to do what I want to do, having a little bit of money, a little bit more time than in my thirties. Exploitation of my youth. Yeah, meant to be, but it is not.

    I’m twenty. I’m supposed to be able to do the above. To freely, no holding back, do so. I’m not talking staying out 24/7, even I understand that’s absurd. But I’m talking 9pm. I’m talking being able to go out multiple days a week. But I cannot.

    It’s unfair. It’s not even my fault that I’m suddenly oppressed with these stupid boundaries. I was a careful teen, and I suppressed my rebellion back then thinking “Oh, then when I’m twenty and above, I would be able to do what I want to! (refer to 2nd paragraph)”. Well, teenage me, you’d be surprised because plot twist: you cannot.

    All my friends around me, seemingly freer. Sometimes I wish I was born a guy. Eff everything and just leave as and when I like, you know. But no, I cannot.

    I don’t know how long I can stand this anymore. It’s just making me more and more determined to marry out of the family. Or at least, dorm. Breathe by myself a while. And I sure as heck will, even if I cannot.

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