• You wouldn’t be proud of me now.

    by  • December 11, 2017 • * Safe for Work *, Grief • 1 Comment

    I’ve always believed that you would some how be proud of me when I grow older. You would dismiss all my flaws ,including the mistakes I had made, and you’d look above what I actually had accomplished yet somehow you found something to praise about me.

    I’ve always looked up to you, in fact I still do. You were my inspiration; my energy to keep doing this, to keep writing. But now times have changed. Four years have passed and I still feel the same from the day you left. I feel heart broken. My family ask me things when I make mistakes; “Would he be proud of you?”. I know the answer. I know the answer when I cry about you. I know the answer when I’m angry at the fact that you are no longer apart of this planet.

    The answer is: no. Why would you even be proud of me in the first place? I was a dumb kid back then. I made you laugh a lot because I’d have a silly grin on my face which brightened everyone’s day. Now I walk round and people look at me. They know I’ve changed. I felt different. I am different now because I feel as though you never believed in me.

    You were never proud of what I had accomplished when you were alive.

    One Response to You wouldn’t be proud of me now.

    1. Britney
      December 11, 2017 at 7:41 pm

      Please don’t think like this. It is completely breaking my heart. Maybe they never got the chance to see the things you have done in your life but it doesn’t mean they don’t love you and are not proud. Just because they are no longer beside you does not mean they are not seeing what you have done with yourself. They are always there. If anything they are probably saddened because you are feeling this way. You weren’t a dumb kid then and you are not any less of a person today. It is okay to feel a loss. It is perfectly acceptable to hope they are proud of you. Just remember that they are and always will be and continue doing your best to make them proud. That is what is important. Keep writing. Keep feeling. Keep being you.

      You are awesome. Huge hug to you author.

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