I love you with all my heart and, for lack of a better term, soul. You make every day since I met you better, you make me happier than I’ve ever been before, you make me feel so loved, so valued…
The fact that you’re married doesn’t bother me in the slightest. I know he knows and is fine with all of this. I knew things were complicated before we started pursuing whatever this is or could be, and your spending your nights with him doesn’t make me feel as strange as I initially thought it should.
This distance doesn’t bother me. February will come soon enough, and all points after that are rife with possibility. Even so far away, with all of these complications, you make me feel like the luckiest man on earth.
It breaks my heart every time, to know you’re hurting, and to be unable to do anything but talk. I will ALWAYS try to talk you through any hard time, but so often my words aren’t what you need.
It’s stange… I want him to be better at communicating, at listening, at knowing what you need emotionally, despite the fact that you would never have been open to my advances had he been that way from the start. Even knowing you might not need or want me if he were to suddenly be that way now. All I want in any of this is your happiness. Even if that means letting you go and shattering my heart into a million pieces in the process. But I’m not going anywhere prematurely, and will be here every moment you want me.
I don’t even know why I’m writing this, except to quiet my thoughts a little.
The hardest thing to do, the most painful, knowing you’re hurting so far away, is the only thing I really can do. Nothing.
I love you.