I just felt like hugging the work directly in front of me. Because I realize that it really is the relationship I am in.
My Dad has always told me that there is a little truth in every jest and I have this running joke that my night school is my husband and my loan is worth more than raising a child…
This moment I wanted to hug the pile of work in front of me because I knew it was the only thing keeping me warm at night (metaphorically speaking).
I left a work party where people had families to talk about, and all I could think about was my lingering work and my school paper.
The point to this is I am alone because I made a choice. I will live with this choice. It is a lonely choice, but at least I had the opportunity to feel that love before.
Moments like these remind me why I am here… because you broke me. But tonight, I am not in pain because I still love you. Tonight I am in pain because I realize I am alone. I realize I am stubborn and will not let love back in my life again- I choose to be alone.
I do mourn your loss but there is a small victory here:
I will always love you but time has allowed me the ability to realize I am no longer in love with you. I still miss you. It changes nothing between us, but it allows me the opportunity to be honest to the next person that asks if I am still in love with you. The answer is finally no.