• Did you know…

    by  • December 11, 2017 • Confession • 3 Comments

    Did you know

    That I count the days we don’t have sex?
    Just in my head. It’s an awful habit I’ve acquired. But we really don’t have sex enough (not in my books anyway). I think that if a week goes by and you’re unfazed that we haven’t, something’s wrong. Could be with me, with you, with us – but something is wrong. Personally, I think it’s because you’re watching porn and not saying anything, and you’re fine with that. I don’t think you know how much it hurts me. I’ve tried to talk about if with you, but if you don’t think you have a problem, you won’t do anything about it. And I sure as hell am not going to bring you to a doctor when you feel there’s nothing wrong. What’s extra frustrating is that if I don’t always feel for sex, I give it up anyway whenever you’re ready because if I don’t, I hurt myself – I don’t know when next I’m going to get it again.

    Maybe I just need to stop having sex with you for awhile. Maybe then you’ll see there’s a problem.

    I’m going to invest in a toy. I’m going to please myself. And I’m not going to have sex with you for awhile.

    Did you know

    That I really haven’t taken your last name because I’m not always sure how long we’ll last? Particularly because of issues like that (lack of sex – I didn’t wait so long to have sex only to barely have sex after I’m married. I should’ve been a hoe). But a whole bunch of other reasons too.
    I feel like I love you more than you love me – and I’ve told you that. You still don’t get it though, and I still feel this way.

    And this “not talking about children” thing is a big issue for me. I try to gracefully bring up the subject sometimes to try to get an idea of when you’re thinking (you know I want children anyway, and I don’t want to seem crazy). You say you want children, but have no timeline of when. And it angers me.

    I don’t want to be in my 30s having children. I want to have them before that time.
    We can’t even agree on the amount. All I want, is 2. You just want 1.
    Doesn’t help that you have one from a previous relationship.

    Why the fuck am I feeling depressed and unwanted in my own fucking marriage? We’re supposed to go see one of my friends on Saturday, and I’m unsure about if we should even do that.

    I’m thinking of separating. This isn’t what I signed up for.
    We discussed certain things before marriage, and it seems you’ve changed your tune.

    If we ever divorce, another man will be hard pressed to get me to marry him. I won’t trust him.

    3 Responses to Did you know…

    1. Britney
      December 12, 2017 at 8:26 am

      That’s exactly what you should do. Take them to a doctor. If you have openly expressed your concern and dissatisfaction and they show no interest in resolve then you need to go a step further and get some guidance. If anything to save your marriage. Also I’ve never had problems with a guy watching porn. I’m sure an excessive amount could cause problems but maybe there is something else going on. Maybe they are not even sure what the problem is. Try talking to them again and definitely buy yourself a toy. You should have done that a long time ago in my opinion. Best of luck.

    2. whatever
      December 12, 2017 at 10:08 am

      When it burns to the ground, accept the reality that you knew half the house was on fire and didn’t say anything to YOUR PARTNER.

    3. So naive
      December 12, 2017 at 3:47 pm

      Omg, seriously? He’s CHEATING on you! Get your ducks in a row because that shit is going to hit the fan.

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