sometimes, on the walk to and from school i find myself glancing across the road and at the lake, big, grey, deep, finding myself thinking; if i just ran across, straight over the railings and into the water, who would actually do anything? like would they just stand and stare aimlessly or would they run after me crying even if they didn’t know me… probably not but sometimes i just feel that urge, knowing i could do it. like ive got a pretty good life, my grandmother has fibromyalgia, my mother is an alcoholic, my dads run off and my sister hasnt spoken to me in six years, but hey, its a good life. really, it is. i have my friends and im pulling on heartstrings left, right and center. but theres always that urge in me that goes “hey, look at that, look at your skin. wont be like that for long, it will be wrinkly and youll be ugly. really ugly, old and relying on others. youve had a good run, go on.” im not going to live past the age of 21. i know. ive known for a while. i have no fatal illness or heartbreaking story. its just fate. my destiny is to die. so i guess i have six years left, then my frineds, its the end.
ive had fun, lots of fun.