Today. My birthday.
Am I selfish to feel so… forgotten? Abandoned on this day? Usually most people forget it. Especially after my father, my last living relative, passed. I try to make it a point to remember the birthdays of those I love. And I knew 2 days ago when he died that he would be… distracted. I never dreamed he would forget completely to at least wish me a good day. I never would have.
And then there’s you. You, who keeps forgetting. You asked me yesterday when it is. You apologized for forgetting an hour ago after I mentioned I wanted chocolate and it’s my bday so I am gonna go to the store and get me some. Apparently, I do not mean anything to you.
I hate my life. So filled with nothing but people who need me, pretending to want me. I might as well just drink myself to death. At least I’ll die enjoying myself.
I keep imagining that you care for me, but I am fooling myself. I keep hearing your voice on this site, but I am delusional. I keep thinking that I am wrong, but I deserve to be thought of by those who claim to love me. I deserve to be remembered, dammit. That does not make me selfish, does it?
Maybe I should accept the fact that I deserve better and leave my situation. I could probably provide better alone. Yea, people fuck up. And I forgive. But that doesnt mean I should put myself into the situation to be forgotten again. The fact remains that this day will always have an ominous cloud over it for the remainder of the years we are together. It will always be remembered as a day of death. How do I ever feel happy again for my birthday? God, I sound so selfish. But it still hurts.
I’ve seen this in movies, but never thought that I would experience it.
Maybe if I walk away, if I am not here this time next year… maybe you’ll remember me.