• Im a risk

    by  • December 5, 2017 • * Safe for Work *, To You • 1 Comment

    You should have taken. Im not keen on throwing ‘shoulds’ out there. But this one I know.
    Maybe i need to work more for money. No- yes I definitely have to get back in the game. And I will…right after this one thing that brings too much insecurity to even talk about because…well, its ridiculous really- but it doesnt make it less significant to me. And i get to be that selfish. It’s all for a selfless higher future. Something you seem sick of hearing. Something I’m not sick of saying. Because its the truest true. I’m down. There is no delusion to how down I am right now. You dont realize the part you played in that and that’s fine. I chose you over life and that part I played alone. I didnt know I was the only one playing. Your heart will hurt as much as mine over leaving each other out in the cold. Yet we will show the world we are fine. Because thats all we can do. All this situational behavioral mess can culminate to.
    And its a damn shame. Maybe you dont see it as such. You’ve said as much.
    And you’ve not said much more.
    Im deeply in love with you. Many years in the making.
    And you’ve made it all for not.
    Or maybe I have.
    Or I have too.
    Not to be.
    Kills me.
    But its okay.
    Its okay.
    Its not. I love you.
    Whatever that means. I dont know yet.
    Youre actually married and I have technicalities.
    What did I expect.
    For you to fix a broken record?
    Make life beautiful?
    Yes I did.
    I do.
    And you should have.
    You could have.
    Would have?

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    One Response to Im a risk

    1. Me
      December 5, 2017 at 4:01 pm

      I know now I should have taken the risk.
      Fuck….I know…
      I love you too, very deeply, always will.



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