• Words are not enough

    by  • November 30, 2017 • * Safe for Work *, Thoughts • 0 Comments

    The reason this letter never got written is because I never had the words to write this. The words never came because I never mustered up the courage to go find them. Sadly, when I did find the courage words were not enough.
    I will be raising kids, I will be working, I will be living and as long as I do that I will be at fault. To gain something you have to sacrifice. Everything has a price. We pay a price for telling ourselves that we have the agency to determine our success or failure. We pay with our emotional health, which eventually catches up with our physical health. We and others around us believe that if we had worked hard enough, organised our lives enough, taught our children enough, read enough, exercised enough, saved enough, lived enough, invested enough, we will have a better future, better jobs, life, kids..fill in the blank with whatever you wish…but we will never be enough. I will never be enough.
    We women want to be strong, have both the work life and family life. We want well mannered children, loving husbands and clean houses. We want successful career. Often, in these wants we miss the importance of time. Each want requires we make it a priority, we give it time, focus and attention. We want so much in our lives (just like we do shopping in our supermarkets) that we do not have the time, focus or attention.
    This letter needs that…but it will never be written because…my kids are running around, the research deadlines will be soon here, my stomach is full of acid from overeating, the bottles for babies need to be made, and soon a door will open to this room with a child crying and I will turn this laptop off and rush to do what I can immediately…Thinking about all this gives me anxiety, makes me sick…there is so much but words are just not enough.

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