I wanted to have a conversation with you, a real one. How long has it been, 2014? So Ill try my best here, although, you’ll have to forgive me if I mess up.
Me: Hey you! I miss you so much.
You: I miss you too. How have you been?
Me: Honestly, not that great. I’m really lonely. I mean, I have been for awhile, but the holidays always make it worse. I love my family and friends, but its not the same without that special someone you know. Aka you.
You: Well, thats sweet. But you shouldnt need someone else to be happy.
Me: Thats great if that apparently works for you, but I’ve been doing this alone thing for a long time now, and I can tell you its not getting better.
You: Its not always easy for me either. But being happy is more important.
Me: You used to make me happy. Happier than I’ve ever been. And then you took that away from me.
You: My happiness is important too.
Me: So I don’t make you happy?
You: Thats not what I meant. You were the one judging me for where I was at in my life, now that I worked on that you still wanna be critical of me?
Me: I loved you then and I love you now, theres no difference. But if you felt the same way, I should have been more important than your career. I should have been invited on your journey of self-awareness.
You: That would have defeated the purpose.
Me: I needed you. I still do. You abandoned me.
You: I never left you. I told you about this world. I never stopped communicating with you.
Me: Bullshit. You did what you wanted to do with zero regard for me. Just admit that. This…communication you call it? It doesnt work for me. It has never worked for me. I cant look you in the eyes, I cant touch you, I cant hear your voice, I cant tell you what I had for lunch. If all this helps you feel better about the way things ended between us, then dilly dilly for you. But don’t pretend you are doing me any favors.
You: You could have nothing.
Me: I already do. There is nothing tangible about this. There is no clear expression or transmission of personal thoughts and feelings. How has this plan of yours worked out so far? Would you say we are closer now than we were before? Do you anticipate us ever reconnecting like this?
You: Then do something about it.
Me: Unbelievable. Clearly, falling in love with you guaranteed I would always be alone.