• Ev….

    by  • November 28, 2017 • * Safe for Work *, Closure • 0 Comments

    I have written this apology to you everyday in my head for almost two years and I finally know what I want to say. Let me start with I am sorry. I am sorry for all of the days that I should have been there, to listen to your stories and to make sure that you were ok. I know that you hate me. I really, really do. I know that you think that I am insane, but please—just listen.
    I was so happy that first day when I met you. From that day on, you changed me and shared with me the most joyous years of my life. I loved you (as a sister) too much and I was scared; scared of you getting hurt, or changing. Mainly, I was scared of losing you. I should have been supportive of you. I was broken and incapable of that. I hope that he makes you happy. I was blinded by my nature to protect you and I forgot to listen. That night, when I broke, I just fell apart. There was so much I wanted to say but I just couldn’t. I had so much pain inside (that was not caused by you, obviously) it boiled over. I overreacted and I couldn’t have controlled it. Through all of this my mom was abusing me. It had been happening for years but I didn’t tell anyone because I wanted to forget. It was the first time in my life when I started to take notice. That is not an excuse for my behavior that night though. After all that, we began to go our separate ways. I wanted to stay but, I am glad that I moved on. I would have made it worse for you. You deserved the best and I wanted to give that to you. Then we finally did go our separate ways and our friendship came to an end. If you only knew how long I have regretted never properly ending our friendship… It killed me inside. I let it disípate and die because I thought it was for the best. I should have given you more of a closing at least though… or maybe I needed one. I need you to know that I am so glad that we are reacquainting. I never wanted to cause you any pain, I just want you to be happy. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for being my best friend.

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