• First Post

    by  • November 24, 2017 • * Safe for Work *, Depression • 6 Comments

    I’ve never done this before, and I feel weird doing it. I feel sneaky, as if my friends and family would be angry if they found out I spoke of my feelings this way, instead of with them. But I guess, like maybe some other people here…I don’t really know where else to go.

    I feel alone. I feel like nobody understands how deep inside of me lies this hole that has been taking away everything that I thought made me happy. I don’t know how to reach out for help because it feels like nobody will get it – nobody will understand how I feel or why I feel this way. I’ve tried, in a few different ways. Sometimes it seems like things could look up. That never seems to last very long.

    What does this mean? Why can’t I communicate, or act like myself anymore? Why doesn’t everyone around me see how broken I am?

    Are these feelings even real? If nobody else thinks they are, maybe they aren’t. Maybe I’m expecting too much out of life.

    6 Responses to First Post

    1. It’s a start.
      November 24, 2017 at 3:02 pm

      Your feelings are real and you are not in any way wrong for using anything that’s available to feel better, including this website. Nobody here knows who you are, but one or more of us should understand.

    2. Warrior
      November 24, 2017 at 3:05 pm

      Trust me when I say you are in goid company with many people. Myself included. The feelings are real. So real and empty you feel it physically.

      Everyone on earth is here for their own lessons in life. Not one lesson, but many lessons. Many people have experienced what we are going through. The reason it seems you feel alone is maybe because the people you are surrounded by in your family,friends, school and work probably haven’t had to go through this learning experience. I can reassure you that your not alone, although you feel you are the only one walking around with the empty feeling and lost to who you really are. Doesn’t matter the circumstances and situations that brought anyone to this stage in our lives. Everyone’s story is different, but they share in the same confusion, empty and physical hurt. I don’t know about you but it’s amazing that with as many people as our lives touch to believe none of them can I realize with us can be very lonely. I call this feeling my black ball of turmoil. It feels that way anyhow. I still am learning how to deal with it.

      I am not happy you are feeling this way, but I am finally glad to see that I too am in good company.

      If I had one piece of advice to give you out of what I’ve learned it’s to not hang on to who you use to be. After going through something like this just know that you can’t help but be a different person. That’s a good thing. That means you’ve out grown your younger self and are learning a new self. Means your living and not sitting still. Although outwardly doing a bunch of stuff, inwardly your taking leaps. Even if inwardly you feel like your treading quicksand with nothing to grab at.

      This life does seem simpler yet more difficult now. 😉
      It does get aggravating trying to get people to relate or help fix it when they have no clue what we are talking about. It’s hard to see when we try so hard to pull the wool over people’s eyes as if we are who we use to be. I’m guilty of this very thing. If we don’t then people think we have mental issues. They say that because it’s the easiest for them to say.

      Example: it’s easier to say someone has Alzheimer’s rather than madcow disease. When was the last time you heard anyone being diagnosed with madcow disease? I bet you haven’t. Why? Because we know not a lot about madcow disease. We know it has the same side affects as Alzheimer’s and that’s about it. We can’t even see madcow disease in a person until they have passed. It’s easier just to say Alzheimer’s because it’s been around longer and it looks like Alzheimer’s. They are two totally different diseases that need different treatment. Right now neither can be cured.

      The example is long and may be confusing. Let me clearafy.

      It’s easy to say that someone like me and you have mental issues. We may have, but that’s not the start of our diagnosis. It’s seems that we are on some inward self growth. It may cause us to think deeper and unusual than the average person. So our diagnosis is self growth, but people only see mental issues. They surface diagnose and not inward diagnose. Who can blame them. They know not what we suffer. Right.
      Hold your head up and press forward.
      Gain a curiosity on who your new self is starting to look like. Don’t worry about the ignorance of others. That can make it more aggravating than what it already is. Lol

    3. EmptytpmE
      November 25, 2017 at 2:38 am

      Maybe your just first time in your life seeing who you are and what you want. It’s the first step to finding it

    4. I
      November 27, 2017 at 4:36 am

      I feel you.

    5. bg
      November 28, 2017 at 7:09 pm

      i understand how you feel, and can empathise.

    6. Nobody
      November 30, 2017 at 12:46 pm

      I feel the same way and I too try to rationalize my own feelings away. It doesn’t work for the most part and less as I get older.
      Only difference, I know, I know exactly why. Even if in rational ways it doesn’t make sense at all.

      You are not alone.For most it gets better and if not – know – you have the strength to learn how to deal with it.

      Best wishes to you.

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