why are we still a thing? i find myself asking this a lot and everytime i find more questions than answers, infact i never find answers. is it the house that i have or all the things i could give to you? maybe this is why we are falling apart, because i dont think you feel what you say through all that thick smoke you puff into my face. all you ever want to know is whos going and when im leaving, and im still waiting like a dumb ass after all the xanax and highs. i cant give you anything else, i sometimes see you staring into space with your red rimmed eyes and i wonder if we die in your daydreams, do we fall apart? whos caught up in your lies when im gone? i fell in love with memories of you; seeing you slumped agaisnt the wall in the charity shop. i knew your type but it didnt stop me becoming infatuated with you, i didnt even know your name but i was in love. i searched everywhere for you and i never stopped waiting to talk to you, i waited through Dmitri and Austin and James, Liam and Gus. im a dreamer, i loved a girl who didnt even know about me. i remember when i talked to you, i was a nervous wreck but you loved that. you said. but im a pro now and maybe you dont like it anymore, who i am.
i rember when you came over to mine, a drunken, staggering mess. “whats with that look? do you think im out of line huh?” i remember putting you to the sofa as you called me Dmitri, each time it was like you stabbing my heart. i wasnt him, i could never be what Dmitri had been. your first love.
im not asking for much, i just wanted your heart. you had mine and i had nothing but memories of the girl you used to be. i wont fall for this again, i kow you love me deep inside your just caught up in al the highs. i thought you’d always be the one but now it means nothing.
i need to quit my crying and be a man, if you wont accept my love one day you will regret it. im not going to be in your way anymore. im done with you Marie.