In the beginning, I became infatuated with you. One day our eyes met and I felt thunder in my belly and saw lightning flash before my eyes as the world around me flipped upside down. Over the next year or so, I had dreams of you, and I thought about you constantly. Electric touches and heartpounding gazes deepened my infatuation. I would be lying if I said that the attention didnt give me an ego boost, but I never thought this could get so deep.
I realized I was in love with you the day of my father’s funeral. You texted me “thinking of you today. wish I could be there.” I knew then that your attention wasn’t 100% superficial. You became a reality of a good person, a friend who cared.
But you must understand, when I love someone I feel this urge that is so hard to tame. I feel the desperate need to show that person through physical touch. Everything geta jumbled in my head. I am sorry that I sometimes get confused and get it all wrong. I am sorry for all miscomfort and mistrust I have caused all parties.
We both know that we can’t be for so many reasons, even if you did feel the same. I am sure you don’t, but in case you’re as good at acting as I am, I have to say that we are incompatible. So why then can’t I just appreciate this for what it is without those urges? It’s hard to hold back when I want to tell you I love you or hug you. It just doesn’t feel natural to not touch you. I want to show you affection, but I can’t. That is why I run away everytime I feel myself getting a bit too close, and I am sorry.
I love you.