I love my partner and nothing could ever make me leave him, or betray him. These feelings I’m having for you crept up on me and I never asked for them – they are pointless, they make me feel like a horrible person and they complicate things that should be simple. You will never know how I feel about you.
But you are such a breathtaking person – and you have absolutely no idea you are, either, it’s shocking. All the girls in the office gush over you, and you honestly don’t even notice it. At first I shrugged it off and wondered why they were all so nuts about you. I get it now. You are one of those really rare people with actual effortless integrity. You are such a legitimately good person. You’re also a bit attractive… but just that is never enough to have the effect you do on people.
You’re genuinely kind to people. You are interesting and individual and honest. And I didn’t realize how I felt about you until they moved me to the other team… at first I thought I was upset because I hated the other team, then I thought I was upset because I missed our old team – then one day it just clicked… and I realized that if they had switched you to the other team instead of me, I would have felt exactly the same way. It was you all along and I had never even realized how I felt about you. What a betrayal to my partner. I felt horrible. At least we were separated now, I thought, on different teams… but every time I see you, it stirs inside me.
I would never leave my partner. Not even if you came up to me and told me you wanted to be with me – not that you would, you love your wife and even if you were single there are plenty of women lined up for you, I have no illusions of being on your list. But it doesn’t matter, because it would never happen. I’ve found my mate for life, I love him, and I want to spend the rest of my life with him – which is why this feeling is so frustrated. Part of my soul feels like you and I should have met before. Like there was meant to be something between us and now the circumstances have expired and I am stuck with this masochistic crush that serves no purpose.
Just now, as I was on night shift, you called in to say you’d just woken up and realized forgotten to do something on your shift earlier today. Your voice was deep and I could hear the intoxicating combination of a few drinks and sleep as you spoke – it sounded like home. It’s so unfair.
I know that if you do come to this site for whatever reason, and somehow manage to stumble across this, you will know that this is you and who I am. I’d like to think you have much better things to do with your time than looking on here anyway. But if you do, and you realize who I am… please don’t be uncomfortable. I’ll get over this too. At some point. I’ve been waiting for a while now. Any moment, universe… any moment.
I just want you to know that I think you are so, so special – all round. And I just wanted to put out there into the universe, that if there is such a thing as multiple lives… if I could meet you again in our next lives. And if I could then finally please be as close to you as I want to be. Feel your breath on my skin, hear your voice whisper in my ear, fall asleep next to you. If you’d have me. If there is another life.