• I just want to shout it out!

    by  • November 13, 2017 • * Safe for Work *, Divorce • 3 Comments

    I just want to shout out “I WANT A DIVORCE!”

    You are not the man I met that was kind and patient. You are not the man I met that had an easy smile. You’ve become someone I no longer trust. You’ve never been able to be honest about your past (and probably current) substance use. I’ve tried time and time again to bridge that gap and open opportunities for you to share your struggles with me. I’ve wanted to help… I’ve wanted to be there for you. I’ve given you so many chances to help yourself. To come back to this marriage in one piece. To get your shit together! Two relapses and I’m still here. I can’t be any longer. Our CHILDREN deserve better. I deserve better.

    How sad is it that our kids know you don’t want to hang around them? Oh, its a fun family day planned??? Cool!! But Dad won’t go so…. Yea it must suck for them to have that knowledge at their ages. It tears my heart out and I CAN”T DEFEND YOU ANYMORE! How can you not see? How can you not care? The crap you think is important doesn’t match with real life. Play with your kids! Bring them places!

    How sad is it that we used to be on the same page with life goals? Now I feel as if we aren’t even in the same book. Hell, I think I might be in a different library! All you care about is materialistic BS. Who gives a F about all that! You didn’t need that newer truck. What we needed was a vacation trip together as a family. Can’t afford that now.

    I’m just so over so many aspects of our life together. I think we would be better people and better parents if we went our own way. I want to tell you this right now. I want you to know how awful you make me and the kids feel so often. Our communication has broken down so badly that I’ve resorted to venting to an anonymous web site.

    Guess I’m just as much a coward as you. Hmmm…. well… at least now I can imagine sending you this.

    – Just Can’t.

    3 Responses to I just want to shout it out!

    1. Britney
      November 13, 2017 at 5:44 pm

      My heart breaks for you. Sadly even if they weren’t using drugs the fact that they don’t spend quality time with the kids is damaging enough. I know you have to feel pulled in 2 directions. Part of you doesn’t want to give up helping them get better but part of you isn’t sure if that will ever even happen. I wished I could hug you and tell you everything will be okay.

      You seem wise and I am sure you will make the best decision for you and the kids. The way it is now is unhealthy for everybody involved. Maybe it is time to force an intervention and see how it goes. Give them the opportunity to accept the help. Sure it doesn’t mean they will stay sober but at some point you have to focus on yourself and the kids.

      Stay strong. You are doing a good job. Don’t ever forget that.

    2. they don't change
      November 15, 2017 at 12:18 am

      My biggest regret is staying too long hoping things were going to change. Wasted my life and also made sure there would never be civility between me and him for the kids sake. Don’t wait until you can’t even stand to be in the same room as him because all your respect for him as a father, human and man has gone. Leave and retain some semblance of friendship between you two. It won’t get better it never does. They just take, take take and expect you to stay and take their crap. They honestly think you’ll always be there. Good luck! Stay strong!

    3. Yeah...
      November 17, 2017 at 10:12 pm

      It’s sad when you team up with a decent person who for whatever reason, deteriorates as a person. I feel for you. Imagine, though, watching someone you care about team up with a person who already is a go-nowhere disaster. When it hits the fan, it is difficult to feign surprise.

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