• Confusion

    by  • November 11, 2017 • * Safe for Work *, To You • 1 Comment

    The hardest time of the day is the night. It was weird at first, like a baby captive animal being set off in to the woods to fend for itself. 10 years we were together. I don’t regret the time we spent, and you are one of the best friends i have. I do struggle, especially as you are not moving on. You are holding on to me, like you always have. Your emotional support and crutch. I was being suffocated. Drowning without you even noticing. I felt like i drifted further away from you, but you had no idea how i was feeling. I tried to warn you, i tried to explain, but i don’t think you really listened. I don’t think you really saw a real future with me, i think i was just there. Because you didn’t want to be alone. I didn’t want to be alone, so i stayed as long as i could bare. Until i felt like i couldn’t breathe anymore. I hate the fact that i hurt you, i just didn’t want to carry on for longer and hurt you more. I feel like i made the right choice.

    However, i feel like a horrible person because over the years i developed feelings for someone else. Who, i feel would be perfect. Maybe this is my idealistic functions speaking, but i can’t stop thinking about him all the time. I have never dated anyone else, i feel like a fish out of water. I am not really sure what to do and he doesn’t even know about how i feel. I just want to know how he feels, i want to know if he ever saw me in that way? A part of me feels that he doesn’t feel for me in that way and maybe i deserve it. But when you speak to me, i instantly feel the happiest i felt for a long time, but you have stopped… You might be busy, but just makes me feel that you are not interested… and thats fine, i am just sad. I just feel empty.

    However, getting out of a long relationship i really shouldn’t be thinking of getting in a new one just yet, i need to have time for myself and think about what i want. Sorting out my life…
    My head is so confused and i am not sure what i should do…

    One Response to Confusion

    1. Lomax
      November 13, 2017 at 3:05 pm

      Getting awfully close to home

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