To my muse,
I don’t even think you venture here anymore but here I is again spouting about my hearts desire.
It has been ridiculously difficult not to venture by just to see you and oh so briefly hold you but I have. I am so damn close but only in miles and I think seeing you just makes it more confusing for me anyhow. I wish I had your view of us, as it would be far easier to be able to think of you in a chum sort of way as opposed to being in so many of my thoughts and dreams. I kind of envy that and wish I had been a lot more forward thinking before I got to the point I got to. It’s not so much that I feel differently towards you but I am trying to limit my thinking of you and have definitely fought the urge to stop by and muddy up things yet again.
Man oh man do I wish I had put the brakes on earlier and not been such a mess, again not for you but about you. I appreciate the soft touch you used but really wish it had not been needed. So I guess this is an apology for being such an old teenager and foolish man who probably made discomfort a normal feeling for you. I also apologize for assumptions made and beliefs created, amazing what a mind can conjure up isn’t it?
So I write this with a lot of visions still adrift and a kind of sorrow accepted for the truth I must stare at. You will always be a part of me, even if it was of my own writing and imagination. I hope and pray all your dreams come true and wish you nothing but happiness in all you do. I am so sorry for being me sometimes. Forgive me please.