• “goodbye forever”, b.c.

    by  • November 8, 2017 • * Safe for Work *, Closure • 3 Comments

    Here are the things I never got to tell you when we’d last saw each other, under very strange circumstances. You asked me to say “I love you” when we parted, and I’d said it, when I didn’t mean it. But the one thing I meant was “goodbye forever”, and a few days later, I genuinely hope to never see, or hear from you ever again.

    Yet, there are things that have left unsaid. With you, there’ll never be closure, so I hope you chance upon this.

    When you left, it seems like you did so with some sense of an inflated ego: I’d made you believe I thought you cute, charming, yada yada, when the truth is, after we parted, I’ve come to see you’re not only a lying f*ckboy who desires to sleep with everybody else in the world, but more importantly, that you’re a lying sociopath: you’ll say, and do whatever it takes to get what you want – even at somebody else’s expense – and then when you do get the upper-hand, you’ll abuse it in any way you can.

    I regret being your girlfriend, and having wasted 8 months with you. Had I known who you were, I’d never have agreed to anything, to be involved with you in ANY way, let alone agreed to be your girlfriend – even more so had I known the motivations behind why you’d asked. Because you’d thought I’d wanted it; because you wanted me all to yourself, and “something to connect us together”. You’re a selfish asshole.

    I feel disgusted whenever I think of our time together. I’d saved my first kiss for someone special, but it ended up being given to somebody who turned out to be so horribly unworthy instead, and had lied to me this whole time. I am relieved to have come back clean from HSV-1, but you seemed like you’d be okay with having passed it to me, and you were hardly apologetic about anything, about all the pain you’d caused me.

    Most importantly: not only were you so careless with my prized possessions that money can’t buy, you were most careless with me, and my feelings. All just so you could feel good about yourself.

    I hate to say this, but I will because it’s true: the other girls who didn’t agree to a second date really dodged a bullet there, as I had by leaving.

    You got angry when you felt like I thought you a lying fuckboy, that you were a bullet I’d dodged, but you are. You are a bullet dodged not only because you’d like to go out to sleep with the world, but also because you’d wasted so much of my time when you didn’t think we would have a future together, and you were never serious about this from the onset.

    For all that talk about being friends somewhere months, or even years ahead: we were never friends, anyway, and you were never interested in being my friend. You don’t care about me; you’re not upset when you hurt me, when I cry. On a most basic level, you don’t care about how I’m doing, but you just /want/ me, my body, and whatever you can get out from me. Physical pleasure, power, whatever, even if it’s at my expense, but you clearly don’t care about that, either.

    So don’t contact me again. I’m glad we ended things amicably, so let’s just leave it as that. Don’t give me the bullshit about wanting to send me emails during Christmas, the New Year, and especially not on my birthday. You no longer have power over me, and I will most certainly no longer be here if/when you choose to return for us to be “friends”, whatever that means.

    3 Responses to “goodbye forever”, b.c.

    1. Pingback: “goodbye forever”: a letter i’ll never send – Bildungsroman

    2. Friend
      November 10, 2017 at 4:12 pm

      When I read this, I was afraid you had been so unfortunate as to somehow get involved with the exact same person I did. Then I wondered if I had written this myself and did such a good job at being anonymous that I don’t remember. Now I’m realizing the whole world is doomed because there are at least two of these soulless, sociopathic beings out there that are wandering around sucking the life out of kind, genuine, trusting people. Good for you for getting away. Stay strong and NEVER give into the temptation to seek closure directly from them. They will use it to harm you in any way they can. We have to trust what we know. It sounds extreme, but we escaped with our lives… and still I cannot wrap my head around how people can do what they did and sleep at night. In the end it will catch up to them. Never forget that.

      • ally
        November 18, 2017 at 12:07 am

        Likewise, it makes me wonder how people like that sleep at night, knowing what they’ve done. How they can feel absolutely no remorse or guilt none whatsoever for having potentially destroyed someone else’s lives, and remaining uncaring even after they’ve given someone so much trouble. Not to mention there was never an apology for what could have possibly been inflicted; just the reiteration that I too would be dragged down with him for what he has.

        I really hope that it catches up to them. What goes around, comes around. I’m sure someday it will. I hope other people are more vigilant about these things, and will be smarter, and less trusting than we were.

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