• Can’t help my thoughts

    by  • November 8, 2017 • * Safe for Work *, To You • 2 Comments

    I saw some pictures of you today
    You looked unhappy
    hard to explain and who knows
    pictures can be very deceiving

    definitely, so can be assumptions as to why

    Yeah, I guess I am an ass
    sure feel like one for feeling the way I do
    when it comes to you
    it seems
    more often lately than not

    feeling stupid for the excitement I feel
    for every tiny vibe I get from you
    like for my Birthday

    feeling like an ass for
    feeling satisfied, almost “serves you right”-feeling
    seeing – or imagining – you unhappy seeing those pics

    imagining, thinking that’s her with you in those pics
    yeah, she looks *cough* happy too

    feeling stupid for actually having thought you two
    were no longer together when we started talking again
    – no idea why I even thought this now, I just did

    come to think of it, it explains a thing or two though
    – makes me wonder, why do you even bother with me than?
    Hmm, wait, than again, you really haven’t, haven’t you..

    How and why does imagining you unhappy makes me equally
    happy and than sad as well?

    Think I am pretty twistet.

    I want you happy and if I felt or knew that you were,
    it would surely hurt my ego but overall
    it would actually make me happy too
    it would make it easier – I think – to move on from you

    What you did was wrong on so many levels
    to her
    to me

    What you are doing to yourself
    is wrong even more so
    but it is your life
    -your life = your choices

    I never tried to push you into any direction
    I was always just me and even held back
    -for the most part
    of what I know from the bottom of my heart to be true
    afterall it’s my truth, right?

    I will never show you what you will have to see
    for yourself
    only your eyes, your heart can tell you
    what is right for you
    how dare would I, I won’t

    -no matter how deep and how often it hurts

    I am guessing you think you living the right path
    for you

    So yeah, forgive me but
    in a way
    it feels good Know, to read into those pictures
    that something is not right for you

    – just because I wish it wouldn’t be
    without me in your life.

    Going back in time,
    I know she took the place that was meant for me
    I know nothing would have happened, or at least went as far as it did
    if I wouldn’t have entered your life by chance
    -at first you even thought I was her
    (all along you may should have wondered if she is trying to be me)

    at times in other places she sure tried

    s’okay

    there is a reason for everything
    I just thought you were ready
    but you weren’t

    and maybe you never will be

    Sometimes we simply wish that the people we love
    are the right ones for us and actually they’re not

    maybe that is what happens to me with you

    Even if I am not your “one”
    I just wish you’d find the one who is
    – sorry, I know it’s not her
    I wish you were happy
    so I don’t have to feel bad that feel good that you don’t

    I wish you were happy
    so that I can move on

    what a stupid
    and
    strange person I am.

    I love you, still

    and the rate you’re going
    I always will

    tick tocks
    this sucks lol

    Here goes nothing into the void
    deep down just
    just wishing
    I could finally call you home

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    2 Responses to Can’t help my thoughts

    1. T
      November 9, 2017 at 6:04 pm

      Talking in riddles again It seems, weird. It was on his birthday my feelings were revealed to him, and I didn’t have to say a word, it happened my accident but now I’m all giddy I seriously felt my heart chakra churn , this is what love is supposed to feel like and oh man he hasn’t done it in a while but oh my when he looks deep in my eyes oh wow the vibration of love feels so damn good oh my so sorry to intrude on your post,




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    2. Chrysta
      November 10, 2017 at 5:03 am

      That’s the first time I’ve ever seen someone use “than” wrong… usually people use “then”

      than = comparison. Normally falls in a sentence like this is rather be thin than fat .

      Then = a moment in time… basically then means next…




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