When I listed out all the things that I have done wrong in our marriage that I felt I should apologize for, I was both surprised and embarrassed.
You must have really really loved me, but I royally blew it and I know it.
I really really loved you. I still do, but God, I sucked at showing it. I really feel the loss now, and the pain is only compounded by knowing that I was the one who destroyed our marriage. You were the best thing that ever happened to me, and I DIDN’T let you slip through my fingers, no, I literally DROVE you away from me, and on top of that then I got mad at YOU for it. You would have stayed, you tried so hard, but I just did everything (willingness and realization aside) I could to sabotage a love that should have lasted a lifetime.
Now I am paying the price for my foolishness and lack of attention paid to our relationship. Our marriage was the most important relationship in my life, but you wouldn’t have known it from my actions. If I only had the clarity of thought to realize the harm I was doing to you and doing to us, perhaps neither you nor I would have suffered the heartache that we both have. I admit that I now know that you cried and hurt and felt the loss of our love just as much I have, you just did it a few years before I did, and I just didn’t bother to notice.
I wish there was a way to set things right between us, but I know that it’s far too late for that now.