heyo it’s the weirdo rereading perks of being a wallflower. i have therapy today and i’m terrified. i had a panic attack about having to talk to my therapist about my panic attacks.
yesterday my sister asked me if i was cutting and searched my room for blades. i’m not cutting but ik why she would think i was. i used to cut but now i just end up digging my nails into my arms or palms until it’s bleeding or bruised. i don’t know when this started and i don’t ever notice when i’m doing it until i’ve already done it. i haven’t told my therapist.
my mom doesn’t understand how my depression or anxiety works. we got into a fight because she feels like i’m not doing anything to get better. she says she understands how i feel because she’s been depressed but it’s different for her. when shes depressed she throws herself into work and just gets really busy. when it depressed it feels like i can’t do anything at all. i just sit in bed all day. she wants me to just snap out of it and be better but i can’t. she wants me not to worry about things i can’t control but i literally can’t stop that at all. she wants me to sleep but i can’t sleep. i just lay in bed all night overthinking and crying and just laying there doing nothing.
this isn’t getting better and the panic attacks are just getting worse. i don’t know what to do.