• I confess

    by  • November 4, 2017 • * Safe for Work *, Confession • 1 Comment

    This letter is to let you know exactly what I think and feel without ever telling you. It has been a secret for years and will remain exactly that for now.

    You are completely amazing to me. All games aside I honestly hate the way this all had to play out because had it not (and me finding out) I would have not had my hand forced to be involved at all. Had I not dated your friend years ago I would never have felt the need to protect myself from his crazy actions or (secretly you). I admit I have fooled the world into thinking that I despise you. I felt that their comfort level was most important to not feel guarded and be more open about things regarding you. I’m sorry. It was wrong. I just know how shitty your friend treated you before (making me a part of it) and when I met your last friend I didn’t know if he was a real friend or another shitty one so I kind of monitored activity for a while.

    It’s okay because you did as well. Thank you for watching me through it all. As crazy as that sounds I did feel safe. Not safe from hypersexual manwhores, but from stalking and all the scary things that go with that. I really appreciate everything you did. (Even the fucked up things)

    I pretended not to recognize you from the past because I figured if I did and you didn’t recognize me then you would not mention my name if you and he were still friends. I didn’t want him to know where I lived and I didn’t want any of your or his friends to compromise my safety.

    Remember when me and your roommate were going to the store and you told him to pick up something and I snapped at you calling you rude. I want you to know that your face has haunted me for years. It honestly broke my heart to have to do that. It had nothing to do with you. I did not trust him and my loyalty was more to the person I had known the longest. After my response and seeing your face I wanted to just hug you and I couldn’t.

    When we did talk outside about your relationship (s) not sure….I think I gave you generic advice that I would give to anybody. Here is what I wanted to say…..”what the hell is wrong with you? You are an amazing guy and you settle for less than you deserve. There is no need to have to share anybody. There is no need to change who you are for any girl. You are perfect just the way you are. You could seriously have the world. Please stop doing this. It breaks my heart.”

    Btw they all stare at you. I admit it is nice to look at. I am more fascinated by your mind than your body. You seem so stuck inside your head. Always watching and thinking. I get it. It comes with the job. You forget I have known you many years.

    Well there is your truth. All wrapped up in a pointless letter. Mainly because I have not seen you to actually tell you. Well I am not sure when the clock started or stopped this last time but 5 years will have to hit at some point.

    Please take care of yourself!
    Your (secret) friend admirer Britney

    One Response to I confess

    1. Britney
      November 9, 2017 at 8:50 pm

      Oh yeah I forgot to mention that when I asked you if you would be protecting us….yes it was awkward but I was serious! Thank you for keeping him away from me. Thank you for allowing me to have the place I lived at be a safe place. I will forever be grateful to you for doing that.

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