Mental health issues have plagued me about as long as I can remember. I’m almost 28 now and my problems are morphing into something I didn’t experience before. My family is riddled with issues. How much is environmental, I don’t know; It does seem as though there is a fairly prominent genetic factor and both worry me. How could I forgive myself if I had a child knowing I was risking all this? Even adopting a child would expose them to my ill-health and it is very ugly.
Having children was something I never really -wanted- until I hit my late 20’s. I wouldn’t say it is any kind of grass-is-greener or peer-pressure situation. However, everything circulates around people having families. Of course, it is about the only thing that makes sense to us as animals and the drive to have children is so strong in me. I didn’t think it would be.
My prospects in other areas of my life don’t seem very good either. I think that maybe one day I’ll be able to do normal life things, but it doesn’t compensate for the children I won’t have.
I’m struggling a lot. It feels like the point of my life is gone and I’m having to constantly quash any fantasy I begin to entertain.