It has been awhile since I visited and even longer since I wrote anything. I had someone stay with me for the first time in a long time and left yesterday- just visiting but it was the first time I have had to share a space. Like clockwork, I had a nightmare about you and my departure. I have mixed feelings and maybe I am making something out of nothing but you are still there. You are still in the sinking pit of my stomach and I can’t shake you. I suppose if I look within myself I would see I haven’t really tried. I just want you to know that. Just that. That I see the flaw I have made but I will continue to make it because I am fiercely loyal even when I am not asked to be, even when I am asked to leave, I am physically gone but mentally still there.
I miss you and I love you and this means nothing but I thought I should state it.