Sometimes I really don’t understand why you care about me. I’m not a good person. I’m not particularly special, not the way everyone told me I was when I was young. I know what its like dealing with negative people. The two people who know me as well as you probably hate their lives too. Imagine that reunion. I just feel like there is so much negativity in my daily life, I don’t know how to look past all that and see the positive and be happy.
I hate myself. You know this. I hate who I am, I hate that I could ever allow my life to become so utterly devoid of hope. I have been told for so many years that life is gonna get better, but it never really did. It just got harder, and its like everyone I know moved on and progressed and got good jobs and had families and I did nothing and have nothing. The truth is, for some reason its important to me for you to know how much I despise myself. Maybe so you’ll get smart and run away. But I should never ever want you or make you watch me self-harm. That’s so wrong and I’m sorry.
I don’t think you can fix me or save me or anything like that. I loved you so much because I thought maybe you could and I know you want to. But maybe no one can. I just feel so lost and worthless and hopeless.
You are so beautiful and wonderful and full of goodness. I don’t want to bring you down anymore babe. I don’t want to be a burden to you. I’m sorry I’m so broken.