I give myself permission to go to the deep end of my mind. To write that which I deeply feel whether it sounds insane or not. To daydream just for a little while and be in my own thoughts and fantasies.
Sometimes we forget our dreams to our own peril. I feel like we keep missing each other. I feel like you are ‘Alex’ and I am ‘Rosie’ in the ‘Love Rosie’ movie.Two people who love each other but keep missing each other because of hesitating and being afraid to lose each other as friends.
I dont want to make those kinds of mistakes anymore. I want to feel and live my love for you. I want to know and feel your love for me. I want to be brave in my love of you and for you. I know initially that it is a man’s place to show the woman he loves how much he loves her not the other way around which is the truth but so what is a woman like me to do.
So does that mean I should forget everything including my feelings if you dont say anything to me. Does it mean I expect too much of you when you just see yourself as just a friend to me. Does it mean you dont love me in the most passionate of ways but only have platonic feelings for me. Does it mean you dont know which way to turn because you are afraid of making a mistake by choosing to take me as yours. Does it mean I should give up.
On the other hand one can speculate that I am insanely delusional, lol. That I am all alone in my thoughts. Running away from the truth of reality. You not loving me and me being the one chasing you when you don’t have any kind of interest in me at all. Imposing my feelings on you. Acting like a love hungry leech in thirst and hunger for your love. It makes perfect sense, lol????, cause I am the only one writing love letters to you on anonymous sites. I am the one crying out for you. I am the one stuck without any way to move forward cause my mind, heart, soul and body wont let me be because I love you and they are all in agreement. I also know that its easy to get caught up in feelings when you don’t see the bigger picture. But am I wrong to love you. Am I wrong to want you. Am I wrong to need you. Am I wrong to long for you. Am I wrong to even ask this of you or even want this from you.
I know it’s wrong to torture myself with these feelings but I can’t help myself.
It’s easy to say that if I thought I was insane I would commit myself to a psychiatric hospital but its really not that easy. Besides, they don’t have chocolates and coffee so why would I go there, lol????.
So I guess I have a huge problem on my hands don’t I. But still, this I know to the core of my being I am deeply in love with you and have been for years.
So what now?
I’ll just keep on writing my love for you hoping that maybe one day just one day the heavens will hear me. I’ll type and type and type for eternity. I’ll pour out me feelings to satisfy my heart for fear that if I dont it will kill me.
My lips will confess my love for you in the silence of my bedroom. My spirit will always call out to you and for you in my dreams.
I love you Tony
I love you mogatsaka
Rantings of a woman in love