• Things I Want to Tell You

    by  • September 22, 2017 • * Safe for Work *, Confession • 5 Comments

    To you,

    It’s been a little over two years since I’ve written on here. Just wanted to get things off my chest. Over the past two years, I’ve grown smarter and I’ve grown wiser, yet none of that rids me of the pain of loving you. You are still a constant in my mind no matter what I do. What should I do? It’s been six long years of being tortured by my feelings, and inadvertently by you. Sometimes when we are together, I can sense that you feel the way I feel. Then we don’t see each other for long periods of time and I start to doubt those thoughts. I’m always the first to initiate plans to spend some time together. Still waiting for the day that you initiate. That would mean that you miss me, but of course, not as much as I miss you. If it were up to me, I would see you every day of the week. I’m hardly a clingy or jealous person, but look what you have done. I don’t recognize myself these days. You have a friend that I know you constantly hang out with. I don’t dare to say it but I’m jealous of him. He’s known you longer than I have and you two are close. You once told me that he was just a really good friend and there could never be any romantic entanglements between you two. When you said this, I felt like you were purposely reassuring me of something. Watching your interactions with him though, tells me a different story. It seems to me like he really likes you and genuinely cares for you. I’m afraid to lose you. What if one day you return those feelings? What if I’m too late? I don’t know how to get closer to you. Tell me how. If you ever end up with someone else, I’m not sure what I would do. I do know that if that happens, it would completely destroy me. Yes, you have that power and that’s the scariest part. This is the reason I keep people at arms length but you broke through somehow. Sometimes I feel it is because we are soulmates. The only things that may be keeping us apart are myself and my fears. I think I’ve shown you without words how much you mean to me. Please just give me a sign. It’s your move.

    Love,
    -N

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    5 Responses to Things I Want to Tell You

    1. A
      September 22, 2017 at 6:51 pm

      NH?




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      • N
        October 1, 2017 at 1:27 pm

        I’m probably not who you think I am. Thank you for reading though. It is very therapeutic to express my feelings in writing and to know that many people can relate. Makes me feel like I’m not alone.




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    2. N
      September 24, 2017 at 12:03 am

      I know this isn’t you. But the tortured relationship for 6 long years made me think of you.

      I know this isn’t you because you’re the one that had the affair, not her. But that didn’t make the time before it any less hard, even though I don’t agree with your choices.

      But it doesn’t matter what I think. What’s important is that you’re free now to live for yourself.

      To the Author: Don’t waste time living for someone else and playing a part just to get a bit of their attention. Live for you. Make choices that make you happy, or that at least allow you to move forward.




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      • N
        October 1, 2017 at 1:32 pm

        You are completely right. I need to learn to live for myself because this isn’t living.




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        • H
          October 2, 2017 at 11:34 pm

          It isn’t. I hope you find the strength to do so.
          Everyone deserves to make a life they can be proud of. To make a life that truly makes them happy.




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