I have been thinking a lot about what I wanted to say to you. Just trying to choose my words carefully. Its seems like an important moment for us. Ultimately, the question I kept coming back to is this, “Am I ready?” As in, am I ready now to date you. The answer I kept coming back with was “no”, but hang with me for a sec.
Theres a lot about my life I don’t feel comfortable with you knowing about, or seeing with your own eyes. A lot of the day to day stuff, the struggles I go through just to get by. I don’t want you to think about me like that. I don’t know if I would ever invite you to my apartment, Im so embarrassed by it. I almost feel like a lot of my life is beneath you, and I don’t want to subject that to you. I don’t want you to have to sacrifice the quality of your life to be with me.
Then I started thinking. When have I ever been truly ready for anything in my life? When is anyone? I wasn’t ready when I moved cross-country for college. I wasn’t ready for the responsibilities that living away from your parents entail. I wasn’t ready for post-college adulting, full-time jobs etc. What about you? Can you honestly say you were really ready to enlist? Go off to war? How about when you first started your new career?
The point I’m trying to make is that I don’t think life is all about being totally prepared for every new encounter or experience. At some point you just have to go for it, and adapt and persevere as you move along, right? So maybe I am ready enough for you. Maybe I am as ready as I will ever be. Maybe you are too.
Take the first step back towards me. If you want this, I need you to open the doors of communication that you closed. Show me you want me to actually be a part of your life. Just text me “hi” or add me on fb, or something completely innocuous. We don’t have to date right away. I really am ok with just being friends to start. But lets start talking again. Its been far too long.
Baby, never forget that I love you so very much. You are my favorite.