• Chemistry vs. Intellect

    by  • September 13, 2017 • * Safe for Work *, Thoughts • 5 Comments

    Has anyone ever wondered whether someone was good enough for them? Besides the obvious such as physical attraction? Of course! Physical Atteaction is very important beyond the comprehension of the naked eye and quite powerful to the unassuming observer. It has been proven when one measures another up physically, they are in effect and inately looking for signs of health and compatibility to a genetic level. No current test can obtain those kinds of results so even if you may fear your future husband or wife may not measure up in the money-making or level of academic achievements it is not an unsignificant trait to ignore. There are many things in life that can hinder ones ability to achieve whether starting out poor or with unsupportive parenting. Many overcome and some do not or cannot. If you second guess your choice and decide someone less attractive but with higher academic achievements may be a better choice intellectually then you just may have begun a grave mistake. That person could be harboring hidden genetic traits incompatible to yours that could lead to diseases and disabilities not present until you decide to have children. Our initial choices are not to be ignored or affected by what are outside influences of society.

    I once dated a genius I fell head over heels. He came from an academic family and a better background than my own. I on the other hand could have been his opposite. Struggling as a single mom, creative interests in the arts, working low wage jobs and attending school as I could afford to timewise and financially. My family was poor and 1st immigrants from a civil war.

    He decided we were not intellectually compatible. He made me cry however I persevered and decided to not give up to prove to myself and him that I was smart enough.
    He told me he took an I Q test and provided his assumed score which was genius level.

    Many years later I was urged to take one by my instructor. I scored 1-2 points higher than my ex told me his score had been. I was asked to join MENSA. Since it all seemed too ridiculously easy to me I have not ever taken it seriously. I assume it’s a ploy like many things out in our materialistic world to make you feel better than others when in reality you are not. I assumed it a fake test that gives you better scores than you may deserve. I thought this even though I also got the highest scores in all the schools I had attended since High School.

    Despite achieving success, just having been rejected for my intellect at a vulnerable time for me, may have physically been a mistake not to mention how long-lasting and hurtful it was to me. He opted to marry a yogini, I became a Computer Scientist, then an owner of Arts and Crafts store that teaches others how to use their talents including programming and various art forms. I just hope no one out there rejects somebody over something like that and if you do, please don’t tell them! You may actually be wrong and hurt them forever. Maybe if I could have believed in myself more or had been supported better I could have achieved more than I have. Love each other, we have the power to heal each other and empower each other just as much as hurt each other.

    5 Responses to Chemistry vs. Intellect

    1. Interesting...
      September 13, 2017 at 7:30 pm

      Well, it’s a “compromise” scale and there are many other factors that this over-simplified and questionably dubious theory does not take into account. I may be blown away by a woman’s physical appearance but after five minutes of talking with her, I’ve “gone limp”. She obviously has nothing else going on besides her looks and that would get old really, really fast.

      I think you’re confusing “looks” with “attraction”. An intelligent, funny, dynamic woman with goals and aspirations who thinks highly of herself and doesn’t fall for any old jerkoff in a Camaro with Oakleys and the stupid barbed wire bicep tattoo, is incredibly attractive and sexy to me.

      What I mean by compromise is that if she weighed 400 lbs (for example) but had these other qualities, I would still probably pass on anything more than a friendship. On that same note, she may be sexy as hell and perfect (to me) physically, but her personality and intellect (or lack thereof) would keep things to maybe a short fling type of thing.

      So I’m lucky that something either in my genetics or upbringing (or both) makes me fall hard for someone who can attract me with average looks, but above-average attributes in other areas. Because you see, people who are attracted to underlying or non-phenotypic qualities and attributes end up in situations where they’re not stuck with some trophy wife who spends all of their money so that he can never retire, or some mindless “hunk” who constantly ends up in jail, can’t hold a job and is an unreliable embarrassment to her.

      Because what will you have after the looks go? When you’re in your 70s or 80s and things are not so firm? The breath not so fresh? The teeth not so… there? What will keep you around when the “drive” has all but disappeared? Someone who stares at the wall all day or just wants to swipe plastic at the mall?

      I hate to say it, but it’s like finding a good match for a job. I’ve learned in my career that it will be far more beneficial to me AND to my job if I were to take a position making $50,000 per year where I’m doing work I love and the environment is great, versus a job making $80,000 per year where I’m dealing with political BS, am constantly stressed out and never get to see my family. Is money important? Of course it is, but it can’t be the only or even top priority. There’s a threshold. No matter how great the job is, I probably couldn’t take it if it only paid $30,000 per year. Conversely, if a job offered me $3 million per year, I’d probably take it regardless of how horrible, but would just work it for five years and retire.

      Sorry to ramble. There’s nothing wrong with being attracted solely to physical attributes and if that’s you’re wiring then so be it. I’m just saying that people whose wiring makes them attracted to other attributes in addition to the physical (and that perhaps puts the physical at a priority 3 instead of a priority 1 when selecting a suitor) are probably a bit more lucky and end up in a more long-term, caring and fruitful partnership. It was Homo sapien’s intellect, afterall, that gave us the “edge”.

    2. Interesting (cont'd)
      September 13, 2017 at 7:37 pm

      And yes, I’m sure you’re very intelligent, capable and have many great qualities. Don’t let this rejection from this “genius” get you down. He’s probably on “the spectrum”, meaning that he can hyper-focus on a few things very well, but probably has severe deficiencies in other aspects of his life. It’s not about who can do a calculus problem the fastest. If you can do it, but have other advantages, then you’re at least as good as (neigh, better?) than a savant who can’t see the forest through the trees. I’ve worked with a lot of engineers from the finest schools who can design the perfect screw, but whenever their put in charge of the entire organization, it’s a disaster!!!

    3. EmptytpmE
      September 13, 2017 at 7:46 pm

      It’s so true

    4. Don't let men tell you who they think you are :)
      September 14, 2017 at 3:17 am

      It has not been PROVEN at all that we choose mates based on their health. It is a theory and one full of holes at best. Many different cultures all over the world view different attributes as attractive. Some we would be down right turned off by. Attraction has many factors, INCLUDING socialization from the society and media around us. Nobody would like fake tits if we wanted healthy breasts for our young in a western society and I could list and name many many more things people find attractive that have nothing to do with health and being able to bear healthy children. Men older than 40 with how degraded their sperm is shouldn’t be attractive at all, EVER, especially if they drink and smoke.

      The way we allow ourselves to be treated is often nothing to do with our worth – it’s more to do with our childhood. I spent decades married to a man who was far, far below me in looks, personality and brains and yet he treated me like dirt and I allowed it. Why? My childhood. A mother who treated me as worthless. Now I’ve gotten out of their grip and made something of myself – something my ex could never hope to be, I still have a tendency to feel like an impostor and I don’t go near men, AT ALL even though they try to get near me. I just don’t have a experience to think that any man won’t treat me like shit.

      I think the man that rejected you sounded like a total narcissist – there are many types of intelligence and MENSA only tests for one – not to mention that it is entirely based on western education. You sound like you have high functioning left and right brain given the cross overs in your career but rest assured, narcissists will find out what will hurt you most and use it. Your ex ‘genius’ must have sensed that weakness in you and so he used it as his reason you were not compatible – he would have used something else if it could have hurt you more. Narcissists won’t and don’t want to love each other and most normal people already KNOW not to say nasty things just for the hell of it. I hope you can reframe what he did as something that indicates that he is the one with a deficit in his personality and not you. Good luck.

    5. Hmm...
      September 14, 2017 at 4:39 am

      Well, I know a guy who physically, the chicks just go crazy for. But, he has had a lifetime of drug and alcohol problems and OD’d several times, nearly dying. His young kids found him one time and have been severely traumatized and are messed up as a result. And his father was that way too. Isn’t that someone that you shouldn’t breed with? Since you’ll just create another generation of criminal fuckups? There are plenty of good looking people who are also intelligent, caring, have achievements, etc. These are not mutually exclusive.

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