• Musings of my heart and soul

    by  • September 10, 2017 • * Safe for Work *, Love - Pure and Simple • 0 Comments

    The river of life is ever flowing

    A moment stuck in my head

    Deep seated emotions rise up

    It is said that when we love with a true heart, ego ceases to have an agenda

    I then look towards my inner self for truth

    Unconditional love is something we all find challenging cause we may think we are doing it when we havent even come close to it

    Love does not have any conditions nor does it seek to control or to manipulate

    It is also true that love is patient and kind but I sometimes get stuck in my own mind and in this I find myself truly blind, blinded to the fact that I need to uplift. In uplifting, my true heart I will then find

    Some things I admit are beyond my current ability to understand. To stay that which I think I know and to open my consciousness to all that is within me and around me that is beyond my comprehension

    I know that I love him and I know he doesnt love me like that, actions tell me so but there is so much fear in me

    My very fear is to lose that which I treasure the most, that which eludes me, love, that which both corrupts and heals my soul which is the man I love even though we’ve never been together. Fear of the unknown drives me to express myself in these sites in the hopes that maybe by divine providence grace can somehow take pity on me and grant me that which I desire and want.

    Maybe I just need to let go and see what the light will uncover. This is my lesson? A lesson thats sure to serve its purpose in crushing my heart. Turning it into dust. Turning my dreams into waste

    How? How to let go? What if I am wrong? What if I am right? To love like this forever? Even to my own destruction? To hunger for his love forever? To ache for him forever? This is my pandora’s box that which I fear to open

    This is my deepest darkest paradox. An inifinite complex maze that which is my soul. An eternal light full to the brim only to empty itself to be full once again. A flame of multiple colours and spectrums that emits light. A crashing of waves onto soul and mind leaving me gasping for air

    If I have to go through this again its a path I would still choose because for once in my life I’ll know I truly loved another being deeply. Something that I have always read about, knew of and wanted to experience. No, no, this is not a regret but a triumph on its own. A triumph of love whether or not reciprocated. I will always choose God, my family and you my love. Always.

    This will forever be my eternal song

    I love you Tony

    Ke a go rata mogatsaka

    Rantings of a woman in love

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