You always act as though its up to me to bring us together. Like we’re so close, and if I would just commit and do something we’d be together forever. I mean, whats wrong with me right? You’re so ready, why can’t I just start my rain dance and then we’re dating?
Lets really examine this for a second. When have I ever had the ability to truly bring us together? When have I ever had the opportunity to talk to you and I declined? When I have ever expressed any desire but to be with you? Seriously, at any point since we met, had you ever asked me to hang out, would I have said no? Because you said no a whole bunch. In fact that’s all you say to me.
But its still my fault right? Well, maybe its not my fault, huh? Not my “fault”, just my opportunity to actually make things happen. To get it right. Because none of my previous efforts were good enough right? Or maybe it really didn’t matter what I said or did, you just wanted to do your own thing.
At the end of the day, that’s what it really is. I flatter myself by saying we’re in this together. There is no us. There is no me. There is you, and that’s it. What you want, how you want it, when you want it. What I want? Doesn’t matter. You decide you want to take a few years to figure yourself out, develop your career, experiment with your sexuality. Sure go ahead. As if it matters what I think.
No, I did my part. What is that, you ask? Well, I waited 5 goddamn years for you to pretend I exist, so theres that. I have waited so long for you to finally own this, to accept responsibility for your actions, for what this relationship could be. And you act like youre ashamed of me or something. I cant even tell you how humiliating that is. You want me to do something else? Fuck that. Why don’t you get off your ass and make something happen for once?