I do not know how I should put it. I have been so lonely and stressed about almost everything. I doubted if I was in the right career path so I kept wanting to move making me build anxiety within me from day to day. I never want to move when it comes to my relationship. I love that guy. I somehow found home in him. I never expected a man to put up with me and know me and my burdens but he did. I tried asking myself what I should be doing to save myself from running away from this relationship because he has not done anything so badly to ruin our love but dear someone out there, despite the good times I have with him, there are blank hours, the empty minutes that I could not define being with him. Isn’t two people loving each other supposed to be burning fuel in their love constantly as much as they can? Isn’t a man really loving a woman supposed to be following up with her activities and her emotions more than just doing what is convenient at his free hours?
Dear someone reading this, I try my best loving this man. I give him the space he needs. I give him almost all of my understanding. I never take every single detail about him for granted. I blame myself, put myself in a hard time when I know he has a bad day and that I can not help him to have an easier life. I’m happiest knowing he is safe. I ignore how he ignores me when he has fun. I try to forgive him because I tell myself he has no intentions to hurt me but maybe because I am loving him more now, I feel so fragile. I’m scared of losing him but I’m even more scared of not being able to give him a healthy relationship so I am starting to think that distance between us could help me breathe easily. I hate how he drinks and forgets that I am worried about him and won’t just leave me a text. I hate how my days go by without being shared with him because he is not interested. I hate how my info does not get a response. I hate that I fear so much right now. I fear not being in the right relationship. I fear not knowing how to solve this. I fear not making the right move and lose this man. And oh, I hate his friends who only suck alcohol out of him and gives him nothing about personal growth. I hate how he has so many friends like that. What should I do? Should I start making distance? Should I act as there is nothing going on? Should I go on and take whatever he does and pretend I am happy in this relationship? But he loves me, I can feel it. I see it. I know him. He went beyond his line for me. Or is it that I have not known him enough? Or is it I am the one lacking commitment and trust? Am I thinking too much? Am I letting work and life stress affect my relationship? What should I do? Please, can somebody tell me…..?