• That was nothing

    by  • August 12, 2017 • * Safe for Work *, To You • 4 Comments

    Nothing was ever said between us. We didn’t need words- it was all in the air, or maybe even in the universe.
    Nothing really ever happened between us. It was our body language that exposed us.
    But still NOTHING happened.
    Then why after all this time I’m here, still searching for you? Why am I still craving the feeling I had when I was around you, even though I don’t remember what I felt then.
    Why do I still believe that you’re here, even all you giving me is a silence, while some strangers respond to my letters?
    I’m starting to think this place is cursed. Deceptive land of unanswered questions.

    Remember that day when we ran into each other. It was the same day when ‘your’ letter got published here. I didn’t know then, I wasn’t here yet. I didn’t know this site existed…You passed me waving little awkwardly “hello” with the slight smile on your face. That image stayed with me for days.
    It was couple weeks later, when I read a book, some short expression drew my attention. To make it short -one thing led me to another and that’s how I ended up here.
    I didn’t expect to find anything but I did. It was unmistakable, titled the way not many could read and the content fitted you as well. It was posted on same date..
    That was hook for me.

    Why am I telling you all of this? I don’t know. Maybe because I’m tired of being here and I’m stopping to believe that I would ever tell you this in person.
    Maybe I just want to move on and forget about all of this, and not worry about its meaning- just treat it like another deception.

    But if that was just NOTHING, why am still here? Why are you still here?

    4 Responses to That was nothing

    1. My reason:
      August 13, 2017 at 1:49 pm

      I don’t know about you, Dear Author, but I am here as an outlet. There is someone very special in my life who has turned my world inside out. But I met him too late in life to be able to explore the connection. I have tried to fight my feelings for this person. I have tried to ignore my desires. I have tried to transform my situation into one in which I convince my heart that it isn’t real. Nothing works. I come here to tell this person these feelings that I can not share in the real world.

      At times I find myself disillusioned, though. I start thinking that maybe he is here and that thought is seductive. It’s so very seductive to imagine him knowing my secrets and responding witb secret affirmations of mutual affection. When I catch myself in that trap is when I back away for a while and stop writing. But eventually I always return, when it all gets to be too much inside.

      Usually when I back off, my emotions and desires tend to bubble over in the real world and I end up doing something stupid. I come running back here to let it out, because the judgements here and possibility of exposure are much better that the consequences I face in the real world.

    2. A
      August 17, 2017 at 12:20 am

      I posted something for him referencing a poem, but that was over three years ago. Wish you were him. : /

    3. Author
      August 21, 2017 at 1:32 am

      Yes, thank you for sharing yours perception. As strange this might look, that was me venting as well.
      In the moments of intense emotions and other times too, I’m highly doubting while reading responses to some of my more specific posts. I know, I went on with unanswered letters – maybe to ad some poetic twist to it because it felt true then.
      I don’t want to say that my case is different, but when I take a step back and look at evidence here and there, the possibility of this person not being ever here, it’s even more unbelievable than otherwise.
      Nonetheless, confusion about this probably always stay with me unless the straight forward answer will be at some point granted.

      • DSinger
        August 28, 2017 at 11:32 pm

        May I ask what letter you are referring to?

    Leave a Reply