• Still Thinking About It

    by  • August 12, 2017 • * Safe for Work *, Abuse • 0 Comments

    To abuse is to misuse. Take advantage of, exploit.
    The abuser puts you down because you’re not adroit.
    Abuse is an improper use. It’s violent, mistreatment, molestation. Things that keep an abused person silent.

    Because when you’re being abused, you don’t see it as being used, or being complacent. You’re not trying to escape because maybe your abuser made you nascent.

    They gave you purpose. They gave you something to do, and they made you into someone you thought you could be. They molded you, shaped you, into the perfect human being.
    But the abuser can’t see that you aren’t perfect, and neither is he or she.

    And you start to fail, or at least that’s what they had you believe. But the worse it becomes the harder it is to leave.
    You think if you go, you’re forcing them to bereave.

    Because if they torment you, strike you,
    That means they like you.
    And you can’t tell anyone because you’re you, and the abuser would be able to convince your friends to sympathy strike against you.

    They break you down because they want to make you believe you’re inadequate.
    They make you think you’re unnecessary weight
    Even to them, unless you keep up their standards of a perfect mate.
    And you stay because you assimilate
    And you think it’s fate.
    And they make you believe there is no escape.
    And they push and they shove and they berate
    And they break you, shake you, until you’ve done enough for them to sate you.
    They say they love you, but it seems like they hate you.

    And maybe you start to defend yourself
    The scales begin to tip
    And you start to tear them down out of spite
    Because they’ve made everything turn into a fight
    And they’ve told and told and told
    How bad you are, how sad they are, how mad they are
    They make you look cold, and you look like a cad
    And you’re the one being bold, and they’re the one being had
    In the worst of ways, even though they’re angry with you for weeks, not days.
    And it doesn’t matter what you say, or what you do, or who you tell, they’ll misconstrue.

    So how do you survive?

    You become what they hate.

    You do what they’ve said you’d done all along, even though you know it’s wrong. Because maybe if you self-destruct enough, they’ll finally set you free. And you can be the person you are, not who they wanted you to be.

    And you can be independent, because you’re free of their court and no longer have to be a constant defendant.

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