After everything you’ve done, everything I did. All the question marks and everything I felt I was reduced to I do, I miss you. I don’t understand and I never will.
You think I was just galivanting around, in another relationship, I was. I know. But so were you, you were in tonnes of other relationships and other things that seemed to be more important than me but always you were in the back of my mind. All through the years, it was always you.
Now everything that was so important then, everything that mattered to me, it doesn’t matter so much anymore, it’s always you you you. And you don’t want me. We can’t even talk. I don’t even know what happened, I don’t know what any of it was anymore, and I never will.
Loving you wrecked my life, and still I want you back. I don’t know why anymore. Nothing means everything and everything means nothing.
You don’t want me, I remind myself everyday that that’s the truth so I don’t live in hope, but there’s no joy in my life anymore. I don’t hope for the future or anything, it’s just black, the blackest cloud of disappointment.
I used to think I had a reason for being and now I know I don’t. I don’t wish you loved me like I loved you, I do wish that you had the compassion to explain a lot of thing to me, to end things nicely, to understand that you’d already broken my heart without hurting me anymore than you already had to.
I’m going on antidepressants tomorrow. You’re gone and you’re never coming back and I have to find joy in something. My life is a waste and all my ambitions have just crumbled into nothing.
I can’t believe you’d have left me this way but you did and you did so with such hatred it’s beyond me.
Even if I saw you now Id have to pretend not to care. I pretend to everyone you don’t matter, so yes this is a letter I’d never send. It’s also the last one I’ll write.
Goodbye John and Lins.