I miss you. I’m so sorry for disappearing. I feel so guilty for how much it must have hurt you. I feel so guilty that you probably thought it was your fault. It really wasn’t about you at all; my job was drowning me and the depression just finally pushed me over the edge and I ran to save you from the fact that I was destroying myself.
My life is so empty without you. I am so scared that I will never get through this life without your practical perspective grounding me. I’m scared that I will never accomplish anything without you encouraging me. I’m scared that I will just keep falling apart without you to lean on.
You were my rock. The only thing I had to hold on to when I had nothing and no one and was so beyond hopeless.
I only hope that maybe without me weighing you down that maybe you finally learned to fly.
Please have a good life. I want–I need you to find the one you really love, the one that really loves you, and start that family you always dreamed of. I need you to be happy, because I don’t think I can, and at least one of us deserves to be.