Sitting alone in the place that was once home. It never sounded of laughter or smelled of love, but it was home. It was where I was supposed to always be. In the hopes that one day I would be enough, that one day instead of the clashing ugly presence this home had, it could become a place of peaceful rest. A place with open arms, where you would never have to question the sincerity. Just warmth and comfort.
It’s empty now. It’s been the ruins for so long. But it is officially empty. You can’t even feel that there was any life even there. You can feel the lives lost, you are thrown backwards by anything living forcefully escaping. It’s no longer an atmosphere that hurts, it’s just an atmosphere of nothingness.
And then you’re there and you’re not you. You haven’t been you, ever. I don’t even think there was ever really a good version of you. There’s nothing on your face but anger. You have fallen apart. You may as well just be scattered dust that somehow continues to light fires. You have no regards for me. I am nothing but something else you need to destroy, for reasons you can’t even seem to articulate. Why, I ask you. Rainwater coating my face, becoming my tears. As I am nothing but the gentle aura of water to begin with. And nothing soft comes from you. It’s just a death stare. And I cannot reach you, wherever you are.
You talk of memories of me being a baby. My beautiful eyes. Holding me in your arms. When you look into those same eyes, do you even see your baby? When you look at me with such disdain, are you looking at your child? When you throw me down, do you picture my tiny hands knowing no other face than yours, loving you.
When you saw me crying, something that was done to me all by your own doing, did you think back to me crying as a baby, promising yourself that you would never be the cause of any of my pain? When now it’s all you, attacking me like I was never anything to you.
I beg for you to stop. Stop. You can stop all of it. But you don’t. You claim I am wrong. But now I need protected from you. I’ve always needed protected from you. And your purpose in my life should’ve been who I go to for protection from this world. Not who I need protected from.
Through the rain I shouted with what little voice I had left, I saved you.
When all you’ve ever done is hurt me, I still felt that in me. The feeling of how things once were. And the need seemingly in my blood to not allow you to do that. And yet even still, it’s like you don’t even recognize me as yours. You were dead set on bringing me down and keeping me there, if he just would’ve given the go ahead.
So I had no other choice but to leave. And there is no other choice than for you to be brought down at this point. I never wanted things like this. But you brought it upon yourself.
No more saving now. If one of us must be destroyed, it’s not going to be me.