It’s mostly OK now, but once in a while I notice the desolation. If I had known how utterly bereft life would be, all alone in my head without your understanding and love… I guess it will make things easier when the time comes.
All the stuff that I need to ask, all the stuff I need to tell. Your granddaughters are wonderful and you would have had such fun with us all at the beach. Dad is really getting to be a burden. Not just with the farm ground and the fat man. He’s not taking his pain meds right and I’m hauling him in to the Dr’s shortly. I can’t manage his life and MrF’s life and my job. Everyone picks away at me and nobody restores anything they took. I saw the Doc and she ordered a cancer gene test. Insurance sent me to a genetic counselor. It’s potentially scarier than I thought. You should have told me about grandma and her mom. I’m spending my life waiting for some shoe or other to drop and nobody can provide any relief. I know they love me, but no I haven’t felt loved since you left. I miss you so badly.