• ghost of my past

    by  • June 21, 2017 • To You • 1 Comment

    Ghost of my past, I was a kid and you knew that. I might have lied and said I was 17 instead of 16 but what difference does one year make? I was still a kid and you knew that. I fell in love with you and you knew that. You knew everything and you knew it wouldn’t have a happy ending but you were lonely so it didn’t matter. You knew I have never had anyone else. You knew the life of isolation that I led. But it did not matter to you, because you were lonely. You pretended to be so decent and wise but you were a coward,a loser, undeserving of me. I let you have me. You made me do things I did not want to do because ”if not me, then who?”. You made me hate everyone around me. I still loved you, despite everything. Of course, I was stupid. But what about you? well damn, you were really clever, were you not? Lonely and clever. Fuck you.
    And then you left me because I was a kid, did you not know that earlier? I am in high school, what did you expect? My family found out and it was terrible. My life became a living hell but I continued loving you until you left me, and that’s when I realised. Did I matter to you? all those plastic words meant nothing. I let everyone down.

    I am not writing this because I miss you, I don’t. I am writing this because my one mistake will follow me up forever maybe. It’s been a year without you almost, I thought it was finally over but it wasn’t. My sister reminded me of you again and how much of a bitch I am again, I guess, I’ll always be a bitch. I just wish I had never met you because even though we have had no contact in almost an year, your ghost follows me up everywhere I go and I am tired of it.

    One Response to ghost of my past

    1. Ah men........
      June 26, 2017 at 3:11 pm

      You’ve learned a lesson most girls learn at the age you learned it. Men will use girls – teenagers they can manipulate for their own basic shit desires. There are very very few men who won’t take advantage of a situation and take sex if it’s offered even if they know they used manipulation to get it and she is too young to realise what she is doing. Men can absolve almost every action they take to get sex inside of their own heads. The weird contortions of actions to absolve themselves of any responsibility in these lopsided transactions where one definitely has more power due to age and experience are disgusting and obvious when you become my age. At your age in this world you are prey – remember that and trust no man. Most of them are weak and will not exercise ethics in moments when their penis may get what it wants. Sad but true. Stay in your own age bracket and even then use CAUTION. Objectification of women in this world is a sick and sad preoccupation that has over-sexualised our young girls and it’s only going to get worse.

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