Ghost of my past, I was a kid and you knew that. I might have lied and said I was 17 instead of 16 but what difference does one year make? I was still a kid and you knew that. I fell in love with you and you knew that. You knew everything and you knew it wouldn’t have a happy ending but you were lonely so it didn’t matter. You knew I have never had anyone else. You knew the life of isolation that I led. But it did not matter to you, because you were lonely. You pretended to be so decent and wise but you were a coward,a loser, undeserving of me. I let you have me. You made me do things I did not want to do because ”if not me, then who?”. You made me hate everyone around me. I still loved you, despite everything. Of course, I was stupid. But what about you? well damn, you were really clever, were you not? Lonely and clever. Fuck you.
And then you left me because I was a kid, did you not know that earlier? I am in high school, what did you expect? My family found out and it was terrible. My life became a living hell but I continued loving you until you left me, and that’s when I realised. Did I matter to you? all those plastic words meant nothing. I let everyone down.
I am not writing this because I miss you, I don’t. I am writing this because my one mistake will follow me up forever maybe. It’s been a year without you almost, I thought it was finally over but it wasn’t. My sister reminded me of you again and how much of a bitch I am again, I guess, I’ll always be a bitch. I just wish I had never met you because even though we have had no contact in almost an year, your ghost follows me up everywhere I go and I am tired of it.