• will wait forever and a day for you

    by  • June 18, 2017 • * Safe for Work *, Soulmate • 0 Comments

    I can’t help but feel like we broke up again. And again that horrible feeling of not being good enough for you is here. Even though you say it’s not that and you have your reasons for not being with me. But what I really feel is not being good enough for you. And this whole “friends” thing is weird. I don’t think it’s working. We are friends, but not ‘just friends’ and we might even be soulmates as you said so yourself and I adore you, but I constantly hope to be together again sometime and every time I realize that might never come true it kills me a little inside. And everything is wonderful when we are together. Anything I do is thousand times more fun with you and every moment when we are apart I wish you were here. And when you are not and you don’t text me and we haven’t spoken for a couple of days I feel like I’ve lost you again. And it kills me a little more. And is that really ‘friends’ when we have to agree not to sleep together again, because it just causes too much pain afterwards. And not just for me, I know you are hurting too. And then we still do it again. And everything feels so right at the moment, but then the next day I can’t help but feel used and not good enough for you… Should we just stop all of this and go our separate ways? Or is there still a chance for us to be together one day? If there is, I will do anything for it. And I will go through all of this pain and much more and I will wait forever and a day even for the slightest chance of being with you again. I have never loved anyone the way I love you. And it hurts like hell being with you every day and spending all this time with you and not being able to hug you and kiss you and knowing that my dreams of being together might never come true. But it would hurt a million more times not being able to see you everyday and not talking to you. So I guess my only option is waiting and hoping. I know you have a lot on your plate right now, and you said even though it hurts it’s easier for you this way. And I am fine with that. I wouldn’t wanna do anything to make your life even harder, but I feel I could do so much to make it easier if you just let me. And I know you still have feelings for me and I know you feel the same way as I do. But my paranoid mind sometimes thinks maybe it’s not true… Maybe I really am not good enough for you and you are just using me because it’s convenient right now. Not just for occasional sex, more for my company I’d say. But I don’t believe it. I believe you and all the things you said. And I can see it in your eyes when you look at me and can see it in your smile – it’s the same smile I have when looking at you. And I have to believe that everything will be ok. I hope you will mend yourself and heal your soul and we can be together again. And be happy again. I have never felt a deeper connection with someone and our souls really are similar and don’t want to lose you from my life. I will wait as long as you need me to and I will always love you.

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