To the Jokerman,
Hi, it’s been 2O days since the last time we had our conversation. I admit, those days are one of the roughest times of my life. I felt like I have lost a best friend and a brother. You don’t know how much I suppressed my feelings whenever I see you, and how much I tried not to surmount my emotions whenever I’m talking to you. I want to say sorry because I betrayed you. I fell for you, so I betrayed our friendship. You are so wrong when you gave me your attention because it became something I craved for. You don’t know how I assume so much with your words and how I longed for your attention. You became my brother, my confidante, and my soul lifter.
When I realized I have fallen for you, I grew scared of looking at your eyes and see that there’s nothing you’re looking at but her, like shes everything you wanted and needed among other things in the universe. I know how much you love her and how proud you are to have her. That moment when you told me how you want to spend the rest of your life with her literally stopped my world. I was left bruised and wounded, and I have no one to confide about it — funny thing.
You were never my ideal guy, but you embodies what I dreamt for a guy. I am not your ideal girl neither the girl who embodies the things you saw on her. It might sound crazy and I know you’ll say what I feel for you is shallow. Yes, maybe, but believe me its real. I fell with your kindness, beliefs faith and for the real you. You taught me a lot about love even if you could not give it to me.
Its all my fault. Forgive me for loving you at the very wrong time.
I learned that certain things in life don’t go the way we wanted it to be. Life turns ironically and moves mysteriously. Its very hard but I’m on the process of moving on. I want you to know that I already accepted our fate. Thank you for being such an inspiration to me. Thank you for breaking my heart. Thank you for the scars. Thank you for the lessons. You mean to me more than you ever know and I will always support your happiness. If your happiness is her, who am I to stand in your way? I will support you even if it means losing my happiness.
I just hope she deserves you.
Bad ass sis