I have only a few times imagined that we would be here. I thought we could do it – over come the distance, defy all odds, live the love story!
We have spent the last 4 years leading up to what? Empty promises of emigration? Futile talks of marriage?
My head is no longer in the game. Relationships are hard work, but I can’t do this alone. I can’t be the one making all the calls, driving the relationship, and continuing to get nothing in return. It’s my own fault, really. I let this happen, and I enabled you to continue to treat me like this until we were in too deep.
My trust in you has diminished, not only due to my own wrong doings, but the sick feeling I get when I see her name. The sinking feeling of despair. Who else are you talking to, leading on in secret (or not so secret). You have changed into a different man than the one I fell in love with, and I don’t like him. I can’t be with this person anymore. It’s not fair to keep lying to ourselves.
My heart is in agony. I don’t know what I thought I was proving to myself that day I started us down that path. Maybe I hoped you would be a better person, and help guide me back to the direction I was heading. Day by day, as the communication became more frequent I really enjoyed talking to you. You knew what you were doing – all along, slowly but surely, you’ve conditioned me to come to expect contact. To yearn for that “Smile”. You saw an opportunity, and you took it. Took me.
When things got physical..I didn’t and still don’t know what to expect. After a week, things have seemingly changed, and the communication has slowed.
I may be a tad melodramatic. It’s literally been like, a day.
Tell KT I said hello. And I fucked her boyfriend.
Shit is getting increasingly closer to hitting the fan, and something has gotta give. Which will it be first?