I met you in the early months of 2012 and it was just a passerby kind of acquaintance. We were both involved on campus in the same kind of things so we just ended up in the same settings. You were always sweet, always kind, it was nice. In the fall of 2012 I ran into you and we had a brief chat in the student union about what your plans for involvement were that school year and yours didn’t align with mine, I was bummed but I didn’t know why. You went on your way and I with mine, again saying hello’s and how are you’s whenever we found ourselves in the same place but nothing more.
By the spring of 2013 I found myself in a relationship and life continued. We followed each other on social media and ran into each other a lot less. By the end of 2014 I was single again but bitter and hurt from my break up. And then April of 2015 happened.
It was a Friday and I was on campus a lot later than anyone sticks around on campus on a Friday night. Probably 8 or 9pm and I remembered that there was a formal going on in the ballrooms that my friend would be at working the event. So, I decided to go by to say hi to my friend because I was in the mood to see a familiar face. When I got to the registration table I said hello and was chatting it up with my friend and then from inside the ballroom you came out to the lobby, and it was the first time in a long time we had seen each other. You smiled and said hello, and next thing I know we’re sitting on the couch catching up. You’re telling me about your internship, job searching, graduating and I’m telling you about grad school and searching for my own internship. It was probably the longest conversation we ever had and it was so peaceful talking to you. Like everything felt right and I didn’t want it to stop, but it had to, and it did once your friends came out looking for you and whisked you back to the event. I never got to talk to you like that again. But I’ve been longing for a chance to do so since that spring day in 2015.
I see you on social media, and we swap likes here and there but you never say anything and neither do I because I’m scared. Mostly because I don’t know anything about you but I’m assuming your straight and if I tell you my thoughts and how I can’t shake this absurd crush on you for this long that you’re going to be weirded out and cut all ties with me, and that would suck cause we still have mutual friends and sooner or later we’re probably going to end up at the same friend reunion and I don’t want it to be weird.
But there’s this other part of me that says “just take a chance. Tell her what you’ve been thinking and if it’s a not then it’s a no and you don’t have to pine after her like this. Rid yourself of the doubt”. But the fear is greater than the courage, and there’s a chance that she reads what I have to say (via FB or Instagram message) and she says nothing at all. Sometimes silence is worse than a No, thanks.
I had to do this though, put my thoughts out into the universe so that maybe it can be the beginning of the process of getting over this crush that seems so far fetched. I may never know if I ever stood a chance with her, odds are probably in favor of no, but she’s been a pleasant woman to day dream about.
However, I hope someday I can find the love that I long for.