• Sweet Torment

    by  • June 4, 2017 • * Safe for Work *, To You • 1 Comment

    Can I tell you something? It won’t take long, I promise.

    Almost everything I told you is true. I say “almost” because I really don’t remember eveything I said and I know that emotions are sometimes exaggerated when there is alcohol involved. But I know that you know what I said. I know that you know how I feel about you, so I would appreciate it if you would please stop playing games with my heart. To continue to do so with no intentions of loving me fully would put me in the position of having to decide if I can continue to let somone I care for torture me with endless cruelty or leave and go on forever without you in my life. You are so special to me, I don’t want to do that. But I can’t neglect my self respect for anyone. I’ve been down that road. Never again. So please, don’t make me cut you off. I torture myself enough as punishment for my feelings. I don’t need to be anyone else’s whipping boy. Thanks.

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    One Response to Sweet Torment

    1. Special to me
      December 23, 2017 at 6:13 pm

      @author I wasn’t playing any games. If you feel I was trying to torture you in any way. I am sorry if I hurt you. Please forgive me.

      I never would want to hurt you – but apparently I did. Can you please tell me how I tortured you. Why didn’t you communicate with me> I don’t ever want to do that again. I promise.

      You broke up with me and completely cut ties with me or any association with me. You are still connected to my family and some friends. I also think many people have gotten in the middle of us. Interjected themselves into our relationship.

      This has caused a lot confusion. It has been torture for me as well, not hearing your voice, you laugh and your silly jokes and snap chats and your goofy faces you made. If I am special to you, why would you push me away?

      Please open up. Please don’t hold to negative thoughts and think of worst in me. Instead focusing on some of the mistakes I made (you made mistakes too) Why don’t we focus on all the good stuff that was between us. Why are we torturing each other now with this silence?

      If you want to cut me out forever at least give me the respect and tell me what I did. If you don’t want me in your life forever, then I have to respect your wish. I just wish you would have respected me enough to at least tell me that instead of just ghosting me and not giving me an explanation as to why? Were you avoiding the issue and didn’t want to address it? I probably wont get an answer and I have to accept and let it go.

      I am going to do the same and not neglect my self respect. I been down that road as well and I’m so sad that it was because of you. I’m letting you go and setting myself free.

      Do you know what torture it is to grieve a person/relationship that is still alive? I don’t ever want to have to do this again. is it torture when someone says you are special and I love you and want to be with you forever and then cuts you off? I would be racked with guilt if I ever did this. I don’t ever want to be a coward or in fear of speaking the truth. That is not respecting myself or others. I read a meme that said, “Just remember all the shit someone puts you through, sooner or later finds it’s way back to them.”
      You said I tortured you with bad intentions and playing with your heart. and you cut me off without an explanation. I was WRONG make you feel this way. I hurt and you hurt me. Misunderstandings.

      I wish you well. When someone asks me about what happened between us and I they ask me if we are still in contact. My answer is something special happened. LOVE. What we had was special and that will be forever true. I don’t say anymore after that.

      Thanks for letting me tell you something. I hope it wasn’t too long. I am sorry again if I hurt you and made you feel like I didn’t care or you thought I was being cruel. Please accept my apology. I cant change the past and if I could take it back I would instantly.

      The path I am going to take is Happiness and enjoy being in the present. I can guarantee that this present path is special. I know this because I was on it with you earlier this year. The day we met is coming up pretty quick. Will you please join me in the present? We can have something to look forward to.

      IS there such thing as Serendipity? I don’t think so, but I hope I am wrong.

      always,
      tloyl




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