You had to make a hard decision. I know you didn’t want to put me where you had too. I do understand. If you ever get the courage to discuss or need anything I am still here for you. As of today though. I start living again. I haven’t stopped, but I had paused being me for awhile. I found myself waiting. Waiting for you to undo the lid you put on. I back you 100%. I totally hold no resentments to you protecting yourself. What I can guarantee you, is that if you ever want to open the lid. You could trust me to be their. I want to find someone I can be myself with, without expectations. I’m talking about with a woman. Someone that wants and needs me as much as I do them. You are that for me, but it can’t happen if both people don’t want it. I don’t expect lover status, but I do want a true someone who accepts me and doesn’t push me away in fear of me hurting them. I’m a lover not a fighter. Maybe that’s it. Maybe I wasn’t enough for you in that area. Some people in relationships like it to be rocky a bit, but you and I we just flowed. We still would if you opened the lid again. I don’t mean sexuality either. We were way more than that. I was on my end anyway and I feel you were too. I know you had to make the difficult decision. It’s been a battle everyday internally trying to let you go. Well I’m not going to let you go. I’ve made up my mind. I will keep you close, but I will give you your space. I put pressure on you and for that I’m sorry. I haven’t let your decision be easy. I’ve dragged you mentally through the mud I’m sure, as I have myself as well. I am truly sorry for helping cause us so much turmoil. It’s fixable, but you have to face your fear of me in order for us to at least walk forward as parts of each other’s lives. That would take trust. I just don’t think you could ever trust me. I do understand.
I love you still and always. Even if you’ve already let me go…..