• Jason’s Burning Need to Know

    by  • June 1, 2017 • * Safe for Work *, To You • 3 Comments

    So I will try 1 last time to see if you still scan these pages and ask the unanswered questions of a very short, yet life altering time in my ( I will not presume to say our) life. I understand all the dynamics of my situation during that time and how they would have blocked anything from happening but, for reasons even I am unsure of, I need to hear it plainly said. Did you have the same feelings towards me as I (had) towards you? I highlight had because it does not meet the true intent but I have had to accept the inevitable truth of my life. With that said I still would desire a cold, hard, in my face answer. If you stumble across this my muse, please swallow hard and type in the 100% real truth to me. I would rather know than think that I heard what was not said. I want you to know I was crushed by the turn of events and I hated the ultimate outcome being what it was. I am at fault from start to end and allowed a very low point in my life to turn into a disaster. I will always see you as my first love and a starting point of the birth of desire in me. I will always love you for these reasons and always look at that stretch of sand as my heaven on earth, even with your lack of memory. That hurt, but I can deal with it. So please know that you are forever part of me in an incredibly important way and that cannot ever change. I know you are not wordy but I could use a change in that just once. Tell me your story…..

    3 Responses to Jason’s Burning Need to Know

    1. @ author
      June 2, 2017 at 8:58 am

      I love you! I fell deeply and madly in love with you. I hurt everyday we don’t speak. I look fine on the outside, but inside feels dark without you in my life. I try and make the empty feeling go away by living life and moving forward. It’s in vein. I’m learning to live with this new feeling I have after you left me. Even if it feels dark and negative inside I try to keep shinning outside. I have too. People depend on me. I did and am still in love with you. All of you. Even the whiny, hateful, guiet, and hiding side of you is out. Our song? Remember it? All Of Me Loves All Of You! I can’t force you to open your door. You shut it. I love you that much to go on learning to live with this empty feeling you left inside of me when you shut me out…… I also love you so deeply that my arms are open and want you to let me into your life. Even if it’s just a little. We would figure out what to do with what we have. Just need trust. I trust you. No reason for me not to. I know you don’t trust me, but I know it’s not because of anything I’ve done. I’ve always been truthful and kind twards you. I do understand you have trouble trusting. You have every right too. You’ve been hurt.

    2. Here
      June 2, 2017 at 9:40 pm

      I don’t think you are my person, but if you are, here is my answer.
      I still remember a few things you told me over coffee that Easter 4 years ago. I felt like you had a stereotypical image of me and what my wants and needs would be like, and I was annoyed that you didn’t just ask. I thought I saw parts of the real you, and I wanted to see more. You were the kind of person I am still looking for. While it seemed like you were interested in and fascinated by what was important to me, you didn’t see me. Not really. At the end you really didn’t, you wouldn’t even look at me when certain people were in the room.
      I didn’t believe for long that you didn’t feel anything for me, but I had to convince myself that you really weren’t interested.
      I’m not against you reaching out to me. My phone number and email address remain the same.
      Just know that I won’t tolerate you being unsure about any part of getting to know me this time. I don’t want fireworks and being called pet names and being smothered with canoodling. I also don’t want to be ignored when you think you need to save face. I want the kind of person who will love me as I am, and show it, but still ask me for a few hours of solitude every night. I need that solitude too, you know. God knows I think I could love you the way you need to be.

    3. Jason
      October 18, 2017 at 9:47 pm

      I’m married no

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