It’s been a long time since I posted here. The anger has gone, the hurt only lingers if I let it. I’ve picked myself up, I’ve held up others while I did that and I’ve gotten myself back on top – where I was then I met you. Meeting you was the worst and best experience of my life. I’ve accepted that I’m going to be alone. I’ve accepted that no matter how many men I meet and how many of them fall in love with me, I won’t ever feel it back. They will never fit me and who I am the way you did.
All I can say, is you will never, ever meet another who feels the way I did about you. I knew exactly who you are and I accepted those faults and loved despite them. How have you fared these last years? Have you become drug free? How is your kidney? You know I would have looked after you like a king or should I say Pharoah? It doesn’t really matter, now. I’m too smart for most men I meet now. And those that are smarter are usually already married. I’m stuck in a neverland of either having to date way under my level or try and jump way above. There is nobody on my level. That’s what happens when you work your way up from the bottom and sheer hard work and brains put you in a position usually only held by nepotism and/or money. It sucks.
So yeah, I’ve accepted you were it for me and I also know you were the worst possible person for me to be able to succeed at who I want to be. I was only ever going to be hurt by your psychosis – I was going to fail as a person, woman and mother with you. You only manage to ameliorate the damage you do by the sheer amount of money you have that holds you up. Otherwise you’d be in the gutter. Your health is gone. I have looked after myself – always. I can’t afford to trash my body. I don’t have millions to help me through the damage your lifestyle does to the mental and physical body. I am in Health – that’s my life. And I can tell you that in the end – money won’t be able to buy the extra years you are throwing down the toilet in coke, MDMA and alcohol..
But man, I probably won’t stop adoring you. Can’t afford to though. I’m sure you’ve seen me around – after all I notice those cars that slow down and I’m sure they report to you. what could they possibly tell you? I look healthy? I look happy? I’m always going to be OK – I’ve got money behind me – I’m cash poor right now but what you don’t understand is I don’t have to worry about it like other people. That’s why I never cared about your money. It had nothing to do how I felt about you. You met somebody who didn’t need your or want your money – who adored your very essence, who watched you sleeping, who worried about you, who would have cared for you, who was entranced by you – you literally could treat me any way you wanted and I looked at you with adoration and was transfixed by your very soul. you’ll never get that again. it will always be about your money. I don’t need it and I never did. And you would have had my life. All you had to do was be egalitarian. Good luck. You need it more than I. I hope your death is painful – you deserve that for what you delivered to me. Physical abuse is never OK. Suck farts. Money can’t buy class and I could have taught you class but now you will never have any. ha ha.